Trump Tells Earth to Go F**k Itself: The Daily Show


I know the big news
of the day is Trump pulling out of the Paris climate accord,
but before getting into that, there’s one story that,
as New Yorkers, we have to address. Mr. Met is out of a job
at the moment. TV REPORTER:
Mr. Met is fired. TV REPORTER: He’s out of there,
and here’s the reason why. The video of the
New York Mets mascot giving a fan the middle finger. You know, it’s kind of sad
that he got fired. I mean, look at him,
look at him. What other job
could he possibly get? Huh? It’s not like he can go work
for Uber, right? First of all, he could only
drive a convertible, and, secondly, every passenger
is going to be, like, “Hey, man, don’t I recognize you
from somewhere? Don’t I recognize you?” He’s gonna be like, (growls). “Ah, yeah. And that’s why you
wonder why Uber is going down. It’s you. I knew it,
I knew it.” But let’s move on. Let’s move on from one white
mascot flipping off a few fans to another who’s flipping off
the entire world. Breaking news, the president
about to announce his decision on the Paris climate accord. Unfolding in Washington, D.C., the Rose Garden at the White
House, where President Trump is expected to speak shortly,
any moment now. The United States will withdraw from the Paris… climate accord. (applause) Thank you. You know,
I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that Donald Trump
may have doomed the planet, or the fact that he announced it like it’s an episode
of The Bachelorette. (mimics Trump):
Earth, we had a great time in the hot tub… but I got to give a rose
to coal, my black beauty, I choose you. It’s official, people. Donald Trump has pulled
the United States out of the biggest
climate agreement the world has ever seen. And we all joke about him
destroying the world, but this could be it. And can I just say, telling
nature to go (bleep) itself, while standing in a garden
is a pretty gangster move. I’m not gonna lie. Like, the only way that could
have been more messed up is if he did it with a polar
bear standing in the background. Yeah, although I’m sure Eric
would have shown up and shot the polar bear. “Father,
look what I brought you. Do you love me now?
Do you love me now?” And if you still don’t know
what the Paris accord is, here’s why leaving it
is such a big deal. TV REPORTER: The Paris climate
change accord united 195 countries in a single agreement
to tackle climate change. All the parties to the
agreement are saying it is our shared goal
and shared purpose to limit warming
below two degrees Celsius. Environmental experts claim if
global average temperatures warm more than that, it could
lead to climate catastrophe. Scientists say that that is a
red line, that if we cross it, there could be catastrophic, and in-in the words
of the United Nations, irreversible effects. Yep, that’s right. After the earth’s temperature
crosses a certain threshold we may not be able to go back. It’s like telling
your girlfriend that her friend is hot. That problem is manmade
and irreversible. You can never take it back. “I said it one time, baby. “It was one time. Yeah, she’s still hot but
that’s not the point.” What makes it worse
is that every country in the world agreed to this,
right? Even countries
you wouldn’t expect. Russia agreed to this. North Korea agreed–
North Korea. Kim Jong-un was, like, “I know I’m crazy, but hold on,
hold on, hold on.” Hell, even Israel and Palestine
are on the same side when it comes to
global climate change. Israel and Palestine,
imagine that. They were like, “What are your
views on climate change? “Oh, wow. Same as ours. “Wow. This is like
when we agreed on pork. “Yeah, yeah. And chickpeas. “Wow. Why do we always fight? “Well, only Allah knows. That’s the (bleep).
That’s it.” (applause) Every country
in the world agreed… Okay, well, technically,
technically, there are two other countries that the U.S. now joins. Nicaragua– they didn’t
sign the accord because they don’t think
the deal is strict enough on rich countries,
and Syria didn’t sign because, I mean, they’ve got
other things on their mind. No, I mean, I think we can all
agree that Syria gets a pass. I’m sure right now Syria’s like, “Oh, you guys are worried
you might be in trouble “in a hundred years?
Oh, yeah. “I can’t imagine how scary
that must be for you. Yeah, yeah.” So they have an excuse. And now, really,
you know, the news… the news of Trump pulling out
has sent shock waves around the world, but, uh, Donald Trump
doesn’t live in the world. He lives in America. I was elected to represent… the citizens of Pittsburgh, not Paris. And every day,
the citizens of Paris are like,
“Thank (bleep) for that. Thank you.” But… but I do get what
Trump was trying to say: in his mind, this decision
basically fulfilled his promise to bring back old-school
industrial jobs, you know? Like cement and steel and coal. And here’s the the thing: we all
want people to have jobs, but the numbers have shown
that green energy is where the work
is gonna be, right? There are certain things
that you can’t bring back. You can’t bring back coal jobs.
It may have been bag… may have-may have been
big back in the day, but it’s-it’s not
gonna work now, you know? It’s like Baywatch.
You can’t save it. Doesn’t matter who you bring. And, you know what, I think
this had less to do with jobs and America’s economy
and more to do with how Trump thinks this makes him look
to the rest of the world. The rest of the world applauded when we signed
the Paris agreement. They went wild. They were so happy. For the simple reason… that it put our country,
the United States of America, which we all love, at a very, very big
economic disadvantage. At what point
do they start laughing at us as a country? We don’t want other leaders and other countries laughing at us anymore, and they won’t be. No one… No one was
laughing at you, Donald. I mean, well, not for this.
Like… No, I mean, they-they laugh
at you for many other things, but not for this.
The other countries were cheering
because it was a chance to save Mother Earth,
not screw Uncle Sam. Like, I don’t know where Trump
got this paranoid idea. You know, like,
the world was going, “Ha, ha, look
at this idiot joining us “to save the planet
and the children. (laughs) Dumbass.” Who are you? I mean, look,
this is all really bad. But on the bright side, at least we found
a new job for Mr. Met. Yeah, just throw
a little paint on him and he can deliver
the message to Trump for the entire world.

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