The Least Known Greek God


>>THOUGH LONG FORGOTTEN,
NOTHING CAN COMPARE TO THE MAJESTY, WISDOM, AND INTRIGUE OF THE GODS OF
THE ANCIENT GREEK PANTHEON.>>I AM ZEUS.
GOD OF THE SKY, THE WEATHER, AND FATE. COME TO ME ALL THOSE WHO QUESTION THEIR DESTINY.>>I AM APHRODITE.
GODDESS OF LOVE, PASSION, AND BEAUTY. I WILL FIND LOVE FOR THE LOVELESS.>>I AM POSEIDON.
GOD OF THE RIVERS, SEAS, AND EARTH QUAKES. BEWARE THE ELEMENTS.
>>I AM ARTEMIS. GODDESS OF WILD ANIMALS, DISEASE, AND CHILDREN.
COME TO ME FOR ALL ANIMAL ATTACKS, DISEASE ATTACKS, AND CHILD ATTACKS.
>>I AM DEMETER. GODDESS OF AGRICULTURE.
FARM, AND I WILL BE THERE.>>I AM MASTOS.
GOD OF SENSIBLE SPENDING. NO ONE HAS LISTENED TO ME FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS.>>I’M BARBATRONUS.
GOD OF AGING. YOU WILL AGE WHETHER I DO ANYTHING OR NOT.
>>I AM MINOSCURUS. GOD OF THE KIND OF GRASS THAT COWS EAT.
COME TO ME IF YOU’RE A COW.>>I AM IMBECILIA.
GODDESS OF STUPIDITY. COME TO ME WITH YOUR BAD DECISIONS AND I WILL MAKE THEM MORE STUPIDER-ERLY.
HEH.>>I AM KILGERBON.
GOD OF ALL REAL AND ANIMATED CATS. I WILL ONE DAY RULE THE EARTH!
>>I AM RANTHALEON. GOD OF ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
YOU’RE WELCOME.>>I AM FINNESIA. GODDESS OF NICHOLAS CAGE.
I AM WAY SORRY.>>I AM JARUBADINKA.
GODDESS OF RIDICULOUS NAMES. ALL BABIES BORN IN 2014, COME TO ME A TEN YEARS WHEN YOU’RE BEING RELENTLESSLY TEASED.
>>I AM GRETTERGORN. I LIKE SPORTS.
WAIT, WHAT ARE WE DOING?>>I AM GOBARIUM.
GOD OF SAYING, “GO BURY ‘EM,” WHEN PEOPLE ASK WHAT TO DO WITH CORPSES.
>>I AM DESDONIA. GOD OF THE WALK-MAN AND MINI-DISC PLAYER.
I’M SEVERELY DEPRESSED.>>I AM CANTUS-SHEPANTUS.
GOD OF
UNFINISHED– WAS THAT A BIRD?>>I AM HEMALORUS.
GOD OF RUNNING OUT OF TOILET PAPER. FEAR ME.>>I AM MORGAN FREEMAN.
GOD OF NARRATION. AND WE ARE THE GODS OF THE ANCIENT GREEK PANTHEON.

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