Stream Squad Episode 1: Cards Against Humanity (REUPLOAD)


(Slaya dying) DCP: What, what?! WHAT?! D: THAT’S THE PROBLEM!!! D: I WASN’T HEARING ANYTHING BECAUSE THE CHAT– D: OHH I HAD THE STREAM MUTED ON MY COMPUTER, THAT’S WHY I WASN’T HEARING ANYTHING!!! (Slaya dying again) D: SHUT UP, YOU. SHUT UP. D: (Finds game) Oh, there it is, there it is. D: Hold up, hold up. S: THAT’S WHY I’M LAUGHING! D: shUT UP. S: I still love ya, DC. D: Oh, my gosh… D: STILL THE SAME (Voice crack) BULLSHIIIT! D: (Gets into game) YES! THERE WE GO! YESSS! D: EUUUUGH FUCK YEAH D: Wait, wtf is with that name?! S: So, how’s your day been? D: Um, alright. D: I-I spent, like…like, over the weekend– D: Have you ever seen the anime “Himouto! Umaru-chan” or any clips of it? S: Wait, “Himouto! Umaru-chan”? D: Yeah. D: The one where she , like… D: She goes from a normal person and she just, like, shrinks down? D: Into this, like, thing with a blanket over its head? S: (Realizes what DC Is talking about) D: No, that’s literally what I do every weekend, I go into shut in mode. S: This should be part of the outtakes. D: We’re not–we’re not even going to have outtakes, this whole THING is an outtake. D: The 25 minutes that we spent trying to get this thing working is an outtake! Liberty: Don’t go into the light!!! D: “Don’t go into the light”… (Laughing) D: STAY AWAY FROM THE LIGHT!!! S: I’M TRIPPIN’ BALLS, MAN!!! D: (dies) D: It’s not lETTING ME IN!!! D: Don’t worry, kid. It gets better. D: I’ve been living with shUTTING THE F U C K UP for 20 years! D: Alright, I’m the czar. D: The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in [blank]. D: And–I sWEAR IF IT’S RIPPING A DOG IN HALF I WILL R I P YOUR D I C K OFF. D: (gasps) D: thAT’S EVEN WORSE!! (Slaya dying yet again) D: SHUT UP. D: Yeah, THANKS A LOT, Slaya. S: BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL– D: (inhales) BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!!! (Censored) D: okAY STOP RIGHT THERE STOP RIGHT THERE–NO!… NO! NO!!! D: O H N O D: O H N O (Crimson shows up) D: Oh, Crimson’s here! D: CRIMSON! D: GET IN HERE, MAN, GET IN HERE!! D: THE GANG’S ALL HERE!! (DC dies) S: Stop, stop… S: Why?! Why?! S: P U P P I E S (DC laughs maniacally) D: Scientology! It’s a trap!! D: Scientology, man, scientology. Crimson: What’s happening here? D: crEAM OF PUPPIES, CRIMSON, THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING. D: Yesterday, my friend and I– D: Like, I was at this, like, really nice play and stuff, yesterday. D: And I was texting my friend and I was like, D: “You know, what, dude, I think I’m hitting a dead end.” D: “Fujoshi life or nah?” D: And she’s like, D: “If there’s a choice between yaoi and no yaoi, I’d go for it.” S: Oh, no no no, you gotta do it like this. (Slaya clears throat) S: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow [blank] at the country club.” D: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow [blank] at the country club.” D: I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow–(Censored) at the country club. D: I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t allow–(Censored) at the country club. D: LIBERTY, THAT WAS YOU?! D: Why am I friends with you guys…? S: We should take the terrorists, and PUSH them somewhere else! (DC and Crimson laughing) D: Oh, my gosh… S: WE SHOULD TAKE MY BALLS, SET THEM ON FIRE, CARTWHEEL TO OHIO AND PUSH THEM SOMEWHERE ELSE! (DC laughing) D: Oh, no, the Yandere queen’s laughing. That can only mean one thing. D: We’re all FOCKED. D: I know! You hear that laugh, and you know… D: Oh, SHIT. D: My gym teacher got fired for adding D: 8 oz. of SWWWEEEET Mexican black tar heroin to the obstacle course. (Crimson dying) D: I swear, seeing your name in–right–right here… (Slaya laughing) D: Oh, no. Oh, no. D: I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know. D: And I swear, if you put ripping a dog in half… S: WHUH– S: YOU WILL NEVER LET ME LIVE THAT DOWN! D: I–OF COURSE I’M NOT! THAT WAS YOUR FRICKIN’ FAULT! S: BUT THEN AGAIN, YOU’RE ONE TO TALK!! (DC laughing) S: aaaaAAAAAA SKEET SKEET SKEET D: E S K E T I T (Incoherent screeching) D: I’m not even gonna read the first one… S: OHHHHHHHH C: Hah, HAH! D: A’ight, so whoever the FUCK did that first one– S: That’s Liberty. D: LIBERTY?!?! D: LIBERTY WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! S: I corrupted her! D: Yeah, ya think so?!

Tags:, ,
21 Comments

Add a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *