HomeArticlesNOTHING BUT DICKS | Cards Against Humanity w/ Bob, Wade, Jack
NOTHING BUT DICKS | Cards Against Humanity w/ Bob, Wade, Jack
August 13, 2019
Mark: *Maniacal laughter* *More senseless giggling* Mark: My dick! My dick is gone! Bob: You guys want to see some game breaking shit? *Table flip* Bob: *Laughs*
Jack: Ahhh Jack: Scared the shit outta me! Mark: *giggles* Bob: Alright… Bob: Let’s play this shit.
Jack: Hut! Hut! Mark: God Dammit! Who’s doing that? Bob: *shake shake shake*
Jack: Yeah! *laughs* Wade: Oh, You can also move around with WASD and look around the table. Mark: Oh, that’s helpful.
Bob: How do you look at your hand? Wade: Uh… So you’re gonna want to grab it like put it- Jack: Hey! Stop it! Wade: You-You got a thing you can put it in, in front of you put it over your name. Jack: It’s just like real life!
Mark: I got it! Mark: I got it! Stop it! Mark: Oh, I see your hand creeping over here… Mark: Stay away!
Bob: I’m-It’s inside the box. I can’t fucking- Mark: No no!
Bob: -control it. Mark: It’s Wade. It’s Wade. Jack: Why are you allowed to take each other’s shit? Jack: I can’t fu- how do I-
Bob: Oh, what is this? Bob: What is this? Wade: So you can rotate this by scrolling your mousewheel.
Bob: Oh fuck, fucking just leaving with it! Bob: JUST LEAVE IT IN PLACE, FOR SHIT’S SAKE!
Mark: WADE, WE UNDERSTAND HOW TO PLAY, WADE! Bob: Jesus, stop it.
Jack: How do I zoom? Jack: Okay okay okay SHUT UP! Jack: EVERYBODY STOP! Bob: …*giggles* Jack: (Reading) “When I’m President of the United States, I will create the Department of ___” Jack: Oh yeah, how do you-?
Wade: Grab a card, you flip it over, and you put it over near the deck. Bob: Flip it over and stick it out there, yeah.
Mark: Ahh. Bob: Just like in REAL life. Mark: Just, bleh.
Jack: Yeah, use your brainhole, man! Mark: Uhh, I’m tryin’ man! My brainhole’s not as big as yours!
Bob: HuAh ha ha ha.(dont think dirty :D) Bob: Alright, I’m coming, where’s the pile? (Too much dirty) Bob: Is this the pile? Boop!
Mark: Is that the pile?
Jack: Okay. Jack: And then I drag them out and flip them? Mark: Yeees!
Bob: Sure. Jack: Okay.
Bob: You could Right Click on it and even Shuffle, if you so desire. Wade: Oh yeah, you can mix it up, you can grab them and shuffle ’em like that.
Mark: Ohh, that’s so COOL!
Jack: Oh that’s cool. Bob: SO cool.
Jack: Okay. Bob: Hualalala.
Jack: “When I-” Everyone’s just like, “I don’t care about the game, I just wanna mess with that.” *all laugh* Bob: *laughs*
Jack: (Reading) “When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of __” Jack: (Reading) “__A box without hinges, key, or lid, yet golden treasure inside is hid.__” Wade: Ooo. Jack: (Muttering) Fucking weak card.
Wade: Oh… (I think Wade heard you Jack.) Jack: (Reading) “When I’m President, I will create the Department of __Jerking off into a pool of children’s tears.__” Jack: THAT is a good *laughs*
Wade: Too soon. Mark: *laughs* That’s a good Department. Wade: Oh my goodness.
Jack: “I will create the Department of Nazis” (Too soon.) Mark: Heh heh. Jack: OH- KAY! (Bob drew a dick) Mark: *laughing intensifies* Bob: *laughs heartily*
Jack: I- STOP IT! Bob: *laughs more* I can’t! I can’t, I can’t. Jack: I’m gonna have to go with the Department of Children’s Pool of Tears. Bob: *groan*
Mark: That wasn’t the Department name! Wade: I got it!
Mark: “Jerking OFF into a pool of children’s tears,” mister! Bob: Yeah, alright, so does that make me the Cz- the *hard C* Czar. Jack: The guzzar?
Wade: Yes, don’t forget to draw more cards if you guys spent one. Bob: OhH YA OH god, hang on, sorry.
Wade: Where ya goin’? Bob: I put it in front of me. See? It’s not fun when it moves around! Bob: Can you read it NOW? Can you read it NOW, BITCHES?!
Wade: *struggling* Jack: What are you doing?
Bob: Alright, (Reading) “Hey, baby, come back to my place and I’ll show you ___” Jack: Umm, okay. Bob: I’m gonna put it out here, since, that’s the way, that… *mumbles* *Jack groans in pleasure* Jack: I’m always like, like, I could go for the, I can go for the twelve-year-old answer, or the one that I think is actually SMART. Wade: Where did Bob… Augh, you put the card– Bob: It’s not, it’s not in the middle. Mark: Yeah, why didn’t you keep it over there? Bob: The official stack, it goes inside this box or it doesn’t count. Mark: Okay, alright then. Bob: Well, way to flip yours over, Buddy!
Wade: You didn’t flip– *Bob is laughing*
Jack: Uh… Okay. Bob: I’m going to shuffle it all right just chill out! Jack: Awww! You saw what it was! Bob: It’s fine. This is fine.
Jack: Shut up! Bob: This is fine…
Jack: Fuckos Bob: I’m shuffling like crazy
Jack: Good lines, Buddy! Mark: Thanks.
*Bob laughs at the apparent shape of the box* Bob: It’s a dick. *Bob chuckles*
Bob: It’s a dick! Bob: (Reading) “Hey, Baby. Come back to my place and I’ll show you…” Bob: “…making the penises kiss.” *the guys (although they’re really children) chuckle* Bob: (Reading) “Come back to my place and I’ll show you…” Bob: “…the passage of time.” Bob: (Reading) “Come back to my place and–” *everyone chuckles* Bob: Oh, that one’s the loser! Bob: A real stink–
Jack: NOOOOOOO! Bob: –real Stink-O over there! Bob: This one? Or this one?
Jack: See? I never… Jack: …go for the crude ones.
Bob: This one? Or this one? Bob: I have an idea.
*”Circus Music” by Bob plays* Bob: Uh… I gotta go with “making the penis kiss”. Mark: *very proud* Yaaaay! Wade: Awww my incest was wasted
Mark: Take that, Incest! Bob: …Penis kiss.
Wade: You can put it in your hand on the side if you want. Mark: No! I want to show off for everybody! Wade: Okay. *Bob and Jack laugh*
Mark: See how great I am? Bob: Oh so are these just like free to take -Mark:NOOOO Bob: Oh shit you can steal things from people’s hand? Bob: Oh fuck- Jack:Yeah! Its so dumb *Bob and mark laugh* Bob: *laughs harder*Alright I’m- I’m – I’m not gonna do it. I’m not gonna do it Bob: I didn’t do it Mark: Yeah sure. Bob: I didn’t (Are you sure about that?) Bob: I actually didn’t. Mark: Okay cool Wade: You can see the train wreck. Wade: WHO’S GOT JUST A PENCIL Mark: Alright anyway, (Reading) “Jesus is ___ ” Jack:mmmm Bob: *laughing* Mark: Make it funny guys Jack: Ahhhhh- Mark: Alright here we go, (Reading) “Jesus is drinking alone” Mark: That’s sad. Jack: Poor Jesus Mark: (Reading) “Jesus is some douche with an acoustic guitar” Wade:*laughs* Jack:*laughs* J,B,W:*laughing* Mark: (Reading) “Jesus is the imagination of Peter Jackson” *laughing* Everyone: *laughing* Mark: Oh man that’s funny- Mark: No drinking alone- Wade: Aww- Mark: Sorry- Jack: C’mon Betsy! Mark: Uhhhhhhhhh Bob:*circus music* Mark: Ay ay ay. Mark: This one made me laugh, this is the winner. Jack: YAAAAY! Bob: NOOOOO! Jack: Whoop Whoop! Bob: Fuck you douche bag with a guitar Wade: Take that…Guitar. Jack: Take that bitch- Bob and Mark: Take that and rewind it back- Mark: Oh. Jack:*chuckles* B,M:*laugh* Jack: The big big booty go Jack: (Goose Noise)- Mark: I’ll make your booty go *Goose noise?* baby- Mark: Just give me a chance. Jack: (Goose noise) Bob: Oh my god- Mark: Oh my god! Wade: (Reading) “____+_____=” Wade: So here’s how I’m gonna do it Wade: You guys just put them like 3 Wade: In a row somewhere, I’ma go stare off. Wade: In the distance and not look Bob: I g- I got a solution,I got a solution. (Do you now?) Bob: Do it like this 1,2,3 and just everyone Bob: Keep to your own area. Mark: Ya gotta draw 2, remember- Wade: Just don’t put it in front of you so its obvious who’s- Mark: Don’t forget to draw 2 more- Bob: Oh yeah because you have to draw 2 to start. Bob: That’s right Mark: *Dying noises or deep throating, you decide* Alright ready- Bob: Alright we’re done- Jack: *chuckles* Wade: Oh I got far away from the table Bob: *laughs*Wh-Where are you? Bob: I wish I could like see where you were Wade: I’m back now *NONSENSE* Jack:Jesus- Mark:This was hard- Bob:*laughs* Wade:Alright holy crap okay- Wade:So we’re going to Columns not Rows? Mark:Nono Bob:Yeah so each rose one person *all talking over each other* Bob:One-One person Wade:Okay so why is there 1,2,3 up here Jack:Cause this is our first second and third card- Bob:Thats the order Mark:Use your brain Jack:IF YOU WEREN’T BUSY LOOKING AT PEOPLE IN PEWS- Wade:Well I’m sorry I wasn’t watching you Wade:Guys do all this- Bob:*laughing* Wade:Okay Bob:Just flip ’em over Wade:First one “Active listening + Wade:”Intelligent design=children on leashes”…. *Bob laughs* *Everyone but Mark laughs* Mark: Nice, Nice Wade: I wasn’t I don’t know how we ended up here but I’m glad we did Bob: there’s a connection Mark: I see the connection Bob: It happens Wade: Team-Building exercises plus wearing an octopus for a hat equals interspecies marriage octodad octodad shaft plus gloryholes equals 0 and it is children leashes no oh yeah yeah I wanted to go Hawk I wanted to be unpredictable predictable you were damn come on shaft foot door oh I know I know I should have been the winner but am I gonna pick it what about mine guys come back talk to a little Mary footmark random and one thank you now the perfect thank you good one going on my yes great job thanks guys mtv’s new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with come on hepatitis Rebs nadir that’s it there they go back but yeah there you go really fast shuffle the shit out of these terms like a boss or something that’s it that’s the one that’s what he says all wait while your hand gets so big it would be sitting here I think your own hand is tiny but the other people’s kids all my mind all the time p to its ok everybody new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with the inability just about the relationship meaning of all anything for meaningful relationships sorry my old autism from an outbreak of small for my god is good oh god yeah and she is ok i know because how dare he had always heard before why’d you pick my old oxygen yeah that’s the first I should I feel like their manuel because it was not kidding okay yet maybe explaining yourself it’s not going to make things up because I thought it was funny because he knows you’re dead why would you even say that that’s better i did that yeah we overthink this where oh shit I didn’t have to go with the inability to forming in this relationship maybe had people because not only win one that the reality show couple what it is sounds hilarious all together and then they can actually do anything that I look right to call black hired over here finally a service that delivers blank right to your door hmm it off yeah fucking cards alone everyone leave my car to one of these are my car okay okay back off man back off man it’s Wade what the fuck away but backed up like off its cool we leave it alone i said haha broke it hello hello how are you just are you just fingering it like that because I my god damn wizard that’s how are you doing it you too because I’m not an idiot in us right back on it you fucking moron right-clicking opens up my menu which is the shuffle is the first this trice ah yeah way would you fucking stuff with you act old oh don’t worry comes back to cook at all does it wait my cards are all different I have to give him your hand tightly well I was the waiter waiter finally I’m that delivers britney spears that 55 right to your door you just hit my card with your car with the hell yeah do I leave it’s a service that delivers full-frontal nudity right here front door that are at the good finally the service that delivers medieval times dinner & tournament and right to your front door who that I want to go back they give you to tackle the chicken with no you can I know it’s right it’s really fun and I want to go help that’s way too hard it was mighty hold you like hard their ass right now you know what screw you guys i’m getting rid of my hand yes full-frontal nude yeah already of service you can order a stripper you already got four known there’s no interaction you know you can’t order britney spares b5 nobody literally just shows up at your door and flashes you and then the way that’s not a stripper it’s different hey yeah it’s your crazy uncle imagine if a night job stood into your living room and gave you a chicken to eat that always better reaction that’s not like it would be a horrible horrible cool would that be cool idea that would be pretty cool pretty cool something convenient uh-huh all right climatic and whos winning my meaning I three alright hey you fucking are here haha and this is the way the world ends not with a bang but with a blank oh no I threw my car buff it it’s always up here comes up hits workouts up here it’s right here turn your ok you drop the card off the edge of the table it’s just like falls into because it’s really disconcerting let me try it try it it’s really fucking going to you like but God stuff just disappear so everybody and hold the way the world ends this is the way the world ends not with a bang but with a gadget you need to check on you know oh ok that’s enough trouble it’s just no good here we are with this is the way the world ends not with a bang but with Stephen Hawking talking dirty I like that that’s good so nice out with a bang but with sneezing farting and coming at the same time like that good that’s an experience now with a bang but ancient & seen him put oh why do I think that’s wait lucky you thought that you could ah Rome an hour ago Stephen Hawking talking dirty yeah it got tickets to take it’s a good one but i don’t want to with ya oh I get one Mady Jack win what completely heart who yes you should have picked medieval times I got ride sorry I’m being the phoniest oh you’re not funny at all not about how funny you are it’s about how you use it it’s the motion of the ocean talking about your hell yeah it’s a grab trip I tell you the ruler of traffic with the track up girth it’s a trap lose weight oh the donald rumsfeld approval and I Drive what’s the goal but I’ve got all out of here do not measure the girls of my eyes re your grower not a show i can hook up nothing it’s a trap all those giving money to a homeless person it’s a dry up I go to the homeless that’s what oh my god what I I’m with you on that one yes you get sick lat huh whoa who wrote fuck you with green writing mysteries at the time for their fucking good fucking do that they’re talking about what’s up i cleaned it up can you clean up your brain with your terrible judgment could you do that oh so maybe if you able to pick one of my cards one time oh really whoa why do you have to get out of my house haha just whoa you’re gonna have compared Bob what are you doing what it’s fine this is fun and let’s go to talk about about read it let’s just read a bit everything’s fine billy mays here for blank what this won’t pass cheeks hell yeah fuckin suction cup nipples are you drawing and it’s not even remotely what I thought you were drawing but this is a butthole and he’ll tip well yeah I suppose the other minerals okay everybody shut up and pay attention okay billy mays here for a crippling OCD the fact that the OC is so close together and you got you LOL these you gotta really yelled triggering my OCD needs its own space well I thought I therefore not your ballot had because that can keep this course perfect thanks man probably very here for letting everyone down you never left ok that’s the winner see ya in a real fuck you Wade anyway I am second car after you read it out loud like that was awesome I don’t go its last round will go out oh my god made it about a crack whoever just true this is sick box Rach wait a great line my plan for world domination begins with right nipple shuffle the shit out of it for second shot from broad you shuffle shuffle shuffle shuffle things shopping if I you know scheffler I plan for world domination begins with fuck give me one of those fuckers Jenny awkwardly trying to seduce makin fillion Jenni John Jenni food any good yeah i don’t know i know what that I plan for world domination begins with unlimited soup salad and bread oh I’m hungry something good my plan for world domination begins with pooping as quietly as possible man has been there because i’m going to what extent that why you never been a situation where you to poop as quietly as possible but not a library i go to hell for leather and all i got your in the bathroom and someone you know walked in and you’re just like no I got you oh my god it made a billion yeah you’re like your ear weather in the bathroom like rite hospital later in the bathroom in the kitchen yeah yeah and you’re like five feet away Maddie’s mom is cooking dinner right now please that’s the time when you should poop the loudest yeah that were in your involvement I’m here to attack which letter know that literally no yeah Boggs here however you discarding my first that’s great yeah I gotta go to move we gotta go it’s pooping it’s quiet yay yeah I’m with the jacket aren’t everyone off bad and I’m great okay sure sure we go with that mr. few cases haha yeah that’s all I got that one God out cute collectively all of the combined have the same number of cards to go and what did you bring for show until lower oh shitty fucking cards against humanity cards we already stop don’t stop up here we go ok and what did you bring for show as it stops just got it haha first-class not gonna have to take sex toys that uh a crappy little sister you’re done but you prepare for all that you again why horrible one-stop I’m gonna get you the one who said that thing about that other thing I’m going to judge this based on what I’d be most impressed at a show-and-tell and that’s that presses oh haha not make this process I like the Sixers yeah god fucking dammit Oh like you don’t have enough cards ready but that I weighed I mean I’m proud of you for admitting it haha and for what you believe in that’s definitely a tent-like impressive you yeah where you write that upside-down way that’s pretty cool yeah he’s got buddy good job y’all underline it so everyone can read it easily queen here though they’re all this is the last underlies our o.o what I won’t win I wonder who’s gonna pick okay yeah i was there just wasn’t very good idea to be like that’s where I don’t know how about creating you were all you’re right my bad go ahead huh what does don’t want quiet in your chinese food like this ship to that are you mm what city card I think anybody should change to crappy little hard what are you having fun i will show you like oh I have the perfect car and I want different card are we doing now in bookstores the desk wait wait this is I think this is how this works sure pop the balloons are in midair why what don’t be a what you’re trying to do was play the first car good yeah that’s how it looks I don’t know where it is yeah yeah what you want to find your chinese food that way you do that’s a lot of stole one of my cards what the fuck i didn’t sorry about i know its back okay I thought I only had six but what is happening to the new blade why are you shuffling so poorly that right what I think pink what do i fire triangle the Hamburglar I would not want to find that my chinese like all of him all of the big picture just might be planning a matter of him was gonna find a chinese food a bloody place of God but that is correct that that would be bad until ho do not worry if the me general so what happened about the baby although yes it’s good with general self what I want me general self what happened with the / transferred boohoo 40 like honeymoon day it’s ok boom chick has a boo-boo I think of all these I don’t want the point of bloody past yeah i agree with I’ll yeah see I gotta go but how could you just do this to him he’s got three of my tax but now I had one I fuckin had one that you steal my card if another one just throwing about the size of a that I had quite a character three I don’t think so i don’t recall you having I don’t recall either that guy asked to play yeah that’s yeah any card yeah all done because golf yeah that one you have to lowes yeah everybody born I agree Bob one I wrote that my notebook i did I was like you know what rules you know what Bob when check it out check it out you can see it in the notebook wait wait no hang on wait I can’t wait for it wait Bob this one okay oh you think just because you threw the grenade attacks you fronted by what is this over here supposed to be a penis