Mindfulness_Part 3: Self-Compassion

[MUSIC PLAYING] So today what we’re
going to do is we’re going to begin with
a brief period of breath meditation, and then I have
a video of Kristin Neff. She’s really the
person who really got this whole kind of
self-compassion thing going, at least in terms
of mindfulness, with a piece she published in
2006 in which she published the instrument that you
have in front of you. And this has probably been
the most used instrument in assessing self-compassion. So what I’d like you to do,
if we don’t get to it today– and we may– take this home. And find out where you’re
at with each of these. And I’ll say a
little bit at the end to help you to interpret it. Also what we’re
going to do today is briefly discuss
this one handout having to do with
self-compassion versus self-esteem. And then we’ll talk about
mindfulness, compassion, and how they work
together to create the sense of well being which
is what Kristin Neff is after. So let’s take that
time now, so making sure our cellphones and
other electronic devices are disarmed, [DING] and
taking a pause in our eating and drinking, and then
once again finding that seat of dignity,
whatever that is for you. So we’re sitting upright,
and our back is straight. Our neck is long,
chin slightly down, allowing the shoulders to relax,
falling gently off the back, arms gently falling
down along the sides. And you may have your hands
resting on your thighs. You may them cupped
in your hands. You could have them in
the arms of your chair. The important thing is
that it’s comfortable and that we can breathe
fully and expansively in a posture that
encourages us to be awake. And so over time, we
kind of play with that, and we find what
works best for us. So I invite you now
to close your eyes or gaze gently down
in front of you. [DING] [DING] [DING] We’ve taken this
opportunity to arrive, to arrive here right
now in this place, in this moment to be
present to ourselves. So I invite you to bring your
attention to your breath, the in breath and
the out breath, breathing in and breathing out,
the steady flow of the breath in and out. Through no effort of
our own, we breathe. We don’t have to force
it or make it happen. It comes naturally, easily. So allowing the body to
settle in to the steadiness of the breath, the
easiness of the breath, and yet we notice
the breath is alive. Clearly, it’s a sign of life. So paying attention to
the breath, the in breath and the out breath and
perhaps finding that place in the breath where
the breath for us is most alive, most
noticeable, perhaps that’s in the area of the
abdomen, the tummy, noticing how that area will
expand and contract with the in breath and the out breath. Or perhaps it’s in the area of
the chest and the upper torso, noticing how that area
will rise and fall with the in breath
and the out breath or in the area of the head,
the nose, the nostrils, noticing how the air seems cool
coming in and warm going out. So finding that sweet
spot in the breath, perhaps it’s someplace else
entirely, but it’s your breath. It’s your place. Allowing a full breath in
and a full breath out, by now you’re mind may have
wandered off into thought. Well, the mind does
what the mind does. It thinks. And so what we’re
going to do is we’re going to bring our attention
back to the breath. We’re going to allow the mind
to do what the mind does. We’re going to
allow it to think, but we’re going to come
back to the breath, the in breath in the out breath. And if we’re distracted by
thoughts or feelings or stories or analysis, the past or the
future, we take note of it. And when we’re
ready, we come back to the breath, the in
breath and the out breath. And as we pay attention to the
breath, we do notice thoughts. We do notice feelings. And we do take note of
those because that’s information that somewhere down
the line might be useful to us. But we continue to pay
attention to the breath. And the great thing
about the breath is no matter where
we go, no matter what we do, no matter what
our circumstances are, we can always come home to
the breath, anytime, anyplace. And each and every time we
bring the mind to the breath, we bring the mind into
the present moment. We bring our mind
into our experience of whatever it is we’re doing. So paying attention to
the breath, the in breath and the out breath, that
sweet spot in the breath, the felt experience of
the breath, in and out. [DING] [DING] [DING] This is Kristin Neff
talking on the three components of compassion. And she mentions all of
them in the introduction, but she only really gets
through, like, one and a half. And for the life of me, I
cannot find anywhere on YouTube or anywhere else part
two and part three, at least not of this talk. But that’s not a problem. We can work with that. I can fill in the
gaps, but I thought it was important that you saw
her talking about compassion. [MUSIC PLAYING] So how do I define
self-compassion? And I really don’t see a
difference between compassion for self and others. I define them the
exact same way. I argue that self-compassion
has the components of a sense of
kindness– kindness, care, understanding for
yourself versus judgment, a sense of common
humanity versus feeling isolated and cut off
from others, and then a sense of mindfulness, being
aware of the suffering that’s occurring versus
over identification which, again, I’ll just
clarify this in one moment. Let’s go through
each one separately. OK, so self-kindness
versus self-judgement. Kindness is more than
just hearts and flowers. Kindness has a very
active component to it. It means when you’re
kind to yourself, you really want to comfort
yourself when you’re suffering. You want to alleviate
your suffering. You want to soothe yourself. It’s a very active
stance where I want to do whatever
I can to help myself feel as good as
possible in this moment. Common humanity, really framing
one’s own experience in light of the common human experience. It’s very funny. If I were to ask any of
you, you know, are you a human being– yes, of course. Is everyone else a human being? Yes, of course. Does everyone else suffer? Yes, of course. You would say that logically. But in the moment when
you just blew it at work or you had someone reject
you or something really bad happens in your life, what
happens non-rationally is that we get very egocentric. We feel like, why me? This somehow has happened to me. I’m the only one
who’s messed up. I’m the only one who’s going
through that difficult time, and we feel totally
cut off from others. It’s as if somehow when things
go wrong, that’s abnormal. This is not supposed
to be this way. Something has gone wrong. But, you know, is that the case? Has anything gone wrong? Is anything abnormal? No, no, that’s what life is. Life goes wrong. No one in here signed
a contract before you got born in this world
saying, I’ll be perfect. My life will be perfect. And yet it’s like, this is
not the plan I signed up for. I’m pissed off about it. That’s how we react. The problem with
that– and there’s a lot of problems with that–
but one of the main things is when we feel
isolated and cut off from others, physiologically
that’s very frightening. If you think evolutionarily,
one of the worst things that can happen to us is to
be isolated from the group because then we aren’t safe. And it’s interesting. This aspect of well being I
don’t think has been studied enough, this sense of can
we feel connected to others in our suffering, or
do we feel isolated from others in our suffering? And I can tell you
in the workshops I’ve conducted, especially
in the eight-week ones, at the end I ask people what
they got out of this the most. Almost every single person
says common humanity. I realize it’s not just me. It’s not just me
who judges myself. It’s not just me who
suffers like this. Very important to remember
that this is human experience. This is how things
are supposed to be. There’s nothing
that’s gone wrong. Yes, it’s painful,
but it’s normal. It’s natural. And then this is where
the mindfulness comes in. You have to be aware
of your suffering in order to give it compassion. So mindfulness
allows you not only to notice your suffering,
but very importantly, and we’ll talk about this
more, to be with your suffering as it is. We don’t like to be
around suffering. If we could just get
rid of pain, we’d do it. And we have lots of
psychological mechanisms to avoid that,
again, which I’ll be talking about in a little bit. So self-compassion says,
wow, pain is occurring. Can I turn toward that? Can I be with that? And you actually
need to do that to be able to give yourself the
caring and support you need. Now, some people
do say, come on. You have to notice
your suffering? Isn’t it, like, blindingly
obvious I’m suffering? But it’s often really not. The pain caused
by self judgment, I think, in some ways,
that’s some of the worst pain in all this
experience, you know, a constant niggly, niggly pain. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not this enough. I blew it. I’m this. I’m that. But often we are so lost
in the role of self critic that we don’t stop to
realize, oh, my God. This is really, really hurting. And in some ways, it feels
more comfortable to be the self critic because at least
the self critic isn’t the person that messed up. You know, the self critic
knows you messed up. The part of you that feels
really vulnerable and insecure and a failure,
often we don’t give that sort of side of the
process as much attention. And then also very
important when things go wrong in
our lives, very often we go straight into
problem solving mode. It’s like there’s a problem. I don’t want there
to be a problem. I need to fix the problem,
you know, immediately. And what happens
is we go straight into problem-solving mode and
don’t stop to, again, turn towards the suffering and say,
whoa, this is really hard. This is difficult. I need a
little care and compassion to get me through this. Then we really
aren’t at our best, at our most
psychologically stable, when we go towards trying
to fix that problem. So it’s actually
something you have to remind yourself to do before
going straight into fixing problems. Just acknowledge and validate
how difficult the situation is. [MUSIC PLAYING] Can you relate to any of that,
identify with any of that? Do you see yourself in that? One of the key ideas that she
has is that we all suffer. It’s common to all of us. We’re hardly unique. And one of the things that
we have in common, also, is that we’re really
hard on ourselves. We really do should ourselves. And sometimes we can
become our worst enemy. But the idea behind
compassion is we can also be our best friend,
our very best friend, which reminds me. The very first thing I think
I said to you in this course is that there was no
one more deserving of your care than you. And there is no one more
interesting that you know, so get to know yourself. Also, we have to have the
resources inside of this that we need in order to
take care of ourselves. That compassion
is already there, just like that suffering
is already there. And the idea is that once
we can touch that suffering, even a little bit, then
compassion will come to that. The compassion that’s already
there, it’s not forced. It’s not like, say, I
want to be compassionate. When I begin to touch
my own suffering, my own compassion towards
myself will begin to come out. And then we become very
intentional about it. So I can be kind towards myself. So when I see this film
over and over again, those are some of the
things that come to me. Maybe something came
to you that struck you. Yeah, go ahead. [INAUDIBLE] There’s a theory
called positive asymmetry Rather than the individual,
which she did talk about being part of
the group and being isolated, but positive asymmetry
goes to our culture on how we’re really not allowed that
experience she’s talking about, you know, that experience
where this is really hurting. And I can either deal with it,
live with it, and then go on. And some of the
arguments that they make, if anybody remembers
positive asymmetry, we take pills now. So you go to a funeral, someone
died that you really loved. The loss is great,
almost overwhelming, but you’re not
allowed to suffer. The first thing that
happens is the doctor comes over and asks if you would
like to have a tranquilizer. And so I see some
similarity [INAUDIBLE]. Yes. Yeah, and it appears
[? there will be ?] some similarities. But because she’s
a psychologist, she kind of goes
to the individual and works from there. And I go, this is a
sign and [INAUDIBLE]. But I found that
really interesting. I found really
interesting when she says it’s OK to be
self-pitying, you know, to be kind to yourself. But you have to from
that, oh, my God. Everybody is hurting
me, and I am so sad. She says you have to come
to problem-solving mode. You have to identify
the problem. You have to be with that. You have to be,
you know, grieving when you’re losing someone. You’re losing a friend. You may be losing
a relationship. But you have to say, OK. It’s a problem. But instead of saying,
oh, my God, I just want to have
another friend, or I would like to have a pill
to make me feel better, I have to see how
I can solve it. It’s OK to be sad, but I need
to find a way to kind of project and see the light at
the end of the tunnel. And I think it probably for a
lot of people causes suffering. While they’re crossing the
line between life and death, they don’t see the light. And I think with
this mindfulness, you’re constantly
thinking, it’s OK. It’s OK. Allow yourself to hurt. Allow yourself to cry. And it’s really difficult. American society
is not like this. You have to be tough. You have to persevere. If you stay true to yourself,
you will be that hero. You will be unbroken. But we all break at some point. And I think her idea
was to kind of come back from that broken stage
and function again. That, for me, was quite amazing. And you’ll notice
that she didn’t say problem solving
isn’t a problem. She said we move too
quickly to problem solving. To come up with
solution, we really have to have a grasp
of what the problem is. And the problem is in some
sense with our thinking, but it’s also with our emotions. And so we have to really
have a sense of what those are to be able to
really come up with– and that’s part of the solution,
is just being with them. There’s two principles
here at work. One is resistance, and
the other is letting go. When we give resistance to
those uncomfortable feelings rather than helping
them to go away, we’re really giving them life. Resistance holds them
in place in a sense. But if we can be with those
uncomfortable feelings then we allow them. We let go of them, and so
there isn’t that resistance. There’s an opportunity
for them to move on. And when psychologists
talk about emotion, they talk about healthy
emotions as being those. No matter how
strong, no matter how tense, no matter how awful,
they come, and they go. And so at some level
we’re allowing for that. We’re letting go. We’re allowing for
the passing of that. But if there’s that
resistance, then in a sense it holds it in place. And so shoulding and the
many other things that we do can create that resistance. And the sad thing it is that
at some level what we’re doing we think is really in our best
interest, but in fact it’s not. And so, yeah, we have to
be willing to sit with it. And once we recognize
it, then she says, OK. Now, we know we’re there. Now, what I want to do is I
want to be kind to myself. And that’s where the mindfulness
comes in, the intentionality. My intention is I recognize
where I’m at emotionally. OK, my intention is to
bring compassion to myself. And so I have to choose
the kind of attitude that I’m going to bring. Am I going to bring kindness? I’m going to bring gentleness. And so at that point, then,
we can soothe ourselves, and I have an activity
that will demonstrate that in just a minute. But I don’t want to cut
off anybody else that has any thoughts in this,
no matter how off the wall they might be. How about some of you guys? Did this strike a
chord with you at all? Do you feel like you’re a little
too hard on yourself sometimes? Yeah, yeah, it doesn’t
feel very good, does it? No, yeah, and do you
ever beat yourself up for beating yourself up? I mean, that’s high
level shoulding. And we do that, too. We do that, too,
because at some level we know it’s not working for us. And so we beat ourselves up for
beating ourselves up, and then, of course, it feeds on itself. And it’s that resistance. And so those things that are
troubling for us change very slowly, if at all,
versus just being willing to be with it, even
if it’s just a little bit. And I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not easy at all. I remember last Friday
after this class, during the class there
was a couple of things that went on that I
wasn’t happy with myself. And my [? should-er ?]
went into play. And it really didn’t
catch up with me until after we were done. And I just had to sit
with the feelings that were underneath it, and the
feelings didn’t have anything to do with you in this group. It had more to do
with my history, and it hit some real nerves in
the areas of shame and stuff like that. And it was really,
really uncomfortable. And I went into it. I went away from it. I went to it, and I can’t
say it went right away. But I was willing to be
with it the best I could be because I know that
I have to be in order to allow that to move. And so my own experience shows
that had I created resistance, I could have gotten real busy. I could have exercised,
eaten, used drugs. I don’t do that, haven’t
done that in a long time. But I could have done something
to resist it or ignore it or whatever. And so it’s challenging. It’s not easy. But then what did I do
towards self-compassion? Well, I realized that I need to
be doing more self-compassion. It isn’t just enough
to be with it, but I have to message
myself in positive ways. And so I began to look
at my experience here, and I tried to do an honest
assessment of what was working. What could I have done
better, without the should? And I felt the
shoulds coming in. I kind of noticed it. So it’s a process. And we’re going
to look at a video next week where
he talks about it. With little by little,
these things add up, and suddenly we find ourselves
in a different place. Other thoughts on the video? OK, then let me talk a
little bit about the handout that you have in front of you. It’s the one that starts
at the top with kindness. And it identifies the three
qualities of compassion. And in her early
work, Kristin Nuff talked about self-compassion
and compassion for others. And now in her most
recent work, she just talks about compassion. And it’s interesting. Studies have shown
that people that tend to have more compassion
for others than they do for themselves,
they don’t have as high a sense of
well being as people who have either more
compassion for themselves or equal amounts. So if I’m not OK with
me at some level, I’m inclined to have more
compassion for others than myself. Isn’t that interesting? But I want you to
keep this in mind. That’s still my compassion. That compassion
originated in me. It’s mine. Now, it may be showing up
in my relationship to you, but that came for me. And so that compassion
I extend towards you could just as easily
be extended towards me because I’m the source. I’m the source. So if I’m here, if I’m
going to criticize myself and say, oh, gee, I have
more compassion for others than I do for myself,
that’s your compassion. That’s your compassion. You’re the source. Well, in that hand out, I think
it says, kindness, mindfulness, and– what’s the third thing–
humanity, common humanity. And I think she really
touched on that really well. I am not alone. I am not alone. Suffering is universal. It is universal. It is universal. [INAUDIBLE] Absolutely. This problem with yourself
but you are kind to others, [? it’s like then ?] your
kindness truly comes from open heart because there it creates
a situation where you say, I’m such a good person. I’m so kind to others. Why the others are
not so kind to me? So then you’re doing good
things with expectations they’re going to come back to you. Is that the right– That’s a great
question because when we talk about being mindful,
we talk about intention, but we also talk about attitude. And the very first
thing I want to do before I choose an attitude,
which may be kindness, I have to check my
attitude at the door. Another way of saying that
is, what is my motive? So I may be choosing kindness,
but the motive behind it may not, in fact, be that. It may be self serving. It may be people pleasing. It may be some
sense of insecurity. And so I’m acting in a way,
but really that’s the issue. So that’s what I mean by check
your attitude at the door because if I am truly kind and
compassionate towards someone, that happens
without expectation. That’s a natural thing. So if I am kind to someone
and they don’t appreciate it and I am hurt, well,
then maybe– and that’s another way of finding
out whether or not I was in touch with
that kind of thing. Yeah? Because that kindness
can be interpreted by donating your
time, [INAUDIBLE], but there should be no
expectation of that. A lot of people do
say, oh, my God. You know, we did so much,
and such and such people didn’t do as much. So that’s kind of a sense of
judgement sometimes [AUDIO OUT] Uh-huh, it’s like
ask for forgiveness. Say, you’ve injured someone,
and you go ask for forgiveness. And I’ve had this in the past. I remember when I
first got clean. In 12-step programs,
one of the things you do is you do an
inventory and then you make direct and indirect
amends to those you’ve harmed. And I remember that first
initial set of amends. I mean, in my mind, I’d
really harmed these people. But I found that
when I did that, I had a certain expectation
and that I expected them, on some level, to
respond a certain way. And they never responded
the way I expected them to. But I came to realize
it wasn’t about me. It was really about them. And so there was
kind of that process, but I wasn’t always aware
of what my motives were as I went into the situation. It’s kind of like I
found out after the fact. So we give it our best judgment,
and then we learn from that. But I have to allow
for that pain, and I have to go,
ow, that really hurt. I remember I made an
amends with this fellow. This is kind of a crazy thing. He was actually involved
with my girlfriend at the time, kind of
a messy situation. I don’t want to say
anymore than that. I think you get the idea. But yet I felt that in our
relationship I owed him amends. And so I went, and
I apologized because in any bad relationship, you
always have some part in that. If nothing else, the way
you react to it or the way you think about it. And he was just all over my
stuff, like, you da da da. Like, I was the worst
thing that– and that clearly wasn’t what I expected. But that’s OK. That’s OK because that is life. That happens. I don’t know. I find a lot of value in saying
that to myself all the time. You say, you know what? This is just the way it is. Everybody goes through this. And part of acceptance, a
great definition of acceptance that I really, really like, and
it’s an easy one for me to see, is that acceptance is
just being willing to be with things as they are. Notice, I said being willing
to be with things as they are. I may not be willing. And so if I’m willing, OK. OK, I’m willing. I’m open. And if that, then I
can come to learn to be more or less OK with that. But I have to have that
will and that openness and then to see
it’s that allowing. There’s either resistance,
or there’s allowing. Which of the two am I choosing,
resistance or allowing? And so I have to develop
that pattern of allowing. And that’s where the mindfulness
becomes so important. If we don’t have that awareness,
then we don’t have that choice. And our natural instinct
is reactivity, which means to not act mindfully. And so we just continue to do
these things that don’t really allow us to be with stuff. You have a thought? Well, I hear that frequently
it is the way it is. What if there is a humongous
disturbance at a macro level, so to speak? And you just keep on studying
it, studying [INAUDIBLE]. I mean, there’s so much
evidence that this is just not leading to anything functional. Well, then, how
could you change it? Well, to accept something,
another way of saying that is recognizing it
for what it is. And that may mean that in
recognizing it for what it is, I experience it as very painful. If I look at various kinds
of injustices and inequities in the world, if I really get in
touch with the humanity of it, it’s a very painful thing. Or a family member
who’s suffering, that’s a very painful thing. But part of accepting it is
just seeing it for what it is and seeing it for
what includes not only my cognitive
experience of it, but my emotional experience. And so I have to be willing
to at least acknowledge that. That’s acceptance. That has nothing to
do with liking it. It has nothing to do with
wanting to change it. But, again, it’s like that
problem-solving thing. Now, I have really
complete information, and now I’m in a position to
realize something about it. An interesting study that
kind of touches on this, it looked at young
Germans and young Jews. And it had to do with the
whole thing with the Nazis and the Holocaust and all that. And what they did is one
group of young Jews– they all had resentment. The Jews all had
resentments towards Germans, so that was kind of the
precondition going in over that. And so one group of Jewish
young people were asked– and I don’t know the particulars
of the study– asked to forgive the Germans as a group. And they didn’t. But they were asked
to have compassion for the individual Germans and
to understand their suffering and their own suffering. And guess what happened? There was a high
level of forgiveness. Why? Well, one of the explanations
that Kristin Neff talks about in her book is common humanity. They suffer. We suffer. And out of our
suffering, we sometimes make awful, awful choices. So there’s something about
recognizing my suffering and other’s sufferings that
kind of draws us together. In politics, we often complain
about, you know, those people, they don’t walk in our shoes. And there is something,
too, about that empathy and that feeling
with and everything. And so what Kristin Neff is
saying, in real simple terms, is what’s going on
with me emotionally? And then what kind of
kindness can I intentionally bring to that? So I want to try
something with you. What I’m going to
ask you to do is going to be very brief,
just for a couple minutes. So if you would, even
with the distraction of the outside noise,
I’m going to invite you to close your eyes. And I’m going to ask you to
take someone that loves you or that likes you very much. And that can include your dog. I’ve done this with
my dog, Winslow. And then what you’re
going to do is you’re going to hold a picture
or that name in the mind’s eye and just sit with that, that
person and their love for you. So let’s close our eyes or
gaze gently down in front of us and choose that
person that loves us. We can see them. And as we allow that image to
settle in, not only to our mind but into our body,
perhaps noticing how that feels in our body,
where it feels in our body, and just holding that image,
that image of warmth and love perhaps kindness, care, just
allowing that, holding that, and if we get
distracted coming back to that for just a little
longer, that warmth, that care in my mind,
in my heart, in my body, OK, you may open your eyes. Now, some of you may have
had the experience of how it travels from here through here. You might have had a warmth. It can be different
for each of us, but this is what’s interesting. And we’ll talk more about this
next week with the next video. Research shows that if you can
sustain your focus on something for 12 to 13
seconds, you develop new gray matter in the brain. And so what happens is
this particular experience that you had now
becomes, in some sense, permanent and fixed. Now, it’s just a
little gray matter, not a lot of gray matter. At any stage in life, you
can develop new gray matter. I’ve looked at
studies where you can develop new gray matter at 65. I’m 65, thank goodness, but you
can develop new gray matter. So what if I had
repeated exposures to this or something similar? It grows and grows and grows. And so what happens is
we, in a very real sense, develop a new nature. Our old nature may have
been less compassionate, but our new nature over time
becomes more compassionate. And so the mind uses the
brain to change the brain. The mind uses the brain
to change the brain, but it’s intentional. It’s mindful. I choose to be with this. And so what does this have
to do with mindfulness? And this is where we’re
heading for today. So I’m going to be
talking to my wife, and it’s about her not washing
the dishes two nights in a row. And, by the way,
that doesn’t happen. 99 times out of 100, I’m the
one being called on my stuff. So if this were to
come up, I really need to check my
attitude at the door because what we do, intention,
get clarification, attitude. Well, I’m curious, but notice
the way I even said it. Yeah, I’ve got to
check my attitude. Get back time,
finally, you know, I’ve been there more than once. So what if that is? OK, maybe I should just wait. Or maybe acknowledge that
and go, well, wait a minute. OK, maybe I really am
curious, but I can choose out of knowing what I already am. So this is the point. So I engage her. Let’s say this is
a heated situation. In the past, it’s
never really worked. So this time I do it, and the
whole time I remain curious. I remain kind. And what I’m doing,
now, is I am defining this relationship and this
experience in a new way, in a new umbrella. It’s in the context of,
in the tone of, kindness. And so maybe there is this
stuff here, this bad stuff here, but this is being
held in, transformed by this tone of kindness. And when we look at this
video of Dan Harris next week, he talks about this process, how
we can take the new, the good, and transform the bad
because we’re holding it in the context of the good. And so if I can do
this with my wife– and I’ve got to tell
you, my wife and I were really in trouble
in our marriage. And we did a lot of
couples’ therapy, and this is kind of what we did. I wish I’d had meditation then. Maybe we wouldn’t have
had the trouble we did. But what happens over time? It changes. And guess what? You’re getting new
gray– this is not just behavioral-psychological. Your brain changes. This is what the science shows. So if we can be intentional,
have attitude, and pay attention, then that
transformation can occur, little by little over time. And so that little
exercise we did, if I would do that just
once a day, just once a day, that can make a huge difference. And so self-compassion is where
we might say some kind things to ourselves. Any questions before we move on? We have five minutes left,
eight, if you can believe that. So why don’t you go ahead
and fill out the survey? And let’s see what kind
of results you get. And before we leave, even
if you’re not finished, I’ll talk a little bit
about the categories so you know how to
make sense of it. But I can tell
you right up front that it’s the same as she
had on her first slide. You have kind of the good
side and the bad side. So you have isolation,
common humanity. You have kindness
versus self-judgement. You have common humanity
versus over identification or mindfulness. So go ahead and fill that out. OK, we’re just
about out of time, so I’m going to ask
you to stop now. I thought we’d take a couple
minutes of breath meditation. And then when we
end the meditation, choosing to be mindful today,
choosing to be intentional, checking our
attitude at the door, choosing an attitude we want,
and then paying attention, noticing our experience of
what we’re doing while we’re doing it, and learning from it. K Thank you all for
being here today. [DING] [DING] [DING] So once again,
finding our breath, the in breath and
the out breath, coming home to the
breath, that sweet spot in the breath, our place,
our home, our breath, right here, right now,
paying attention, noticing, the in breath and
the out breath, knowing that when
the mind wanders we can always come
back to the breath, [DING] So next week is
positive thinking, and we can talk about
the kinds of thoughts what we want to bring to the
suffering that we experience. OK, see you then. Thank you all for being here. [MUSIC PLAYING]

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