HEY! YOU! No, not you, oh God, Steve, hi! How’s it goin’? Yeah! Oh, good! Yeah, did your wife get that job after? She did it? Oh, fantastic. So glad to hear it. Yeah, I’ll talk to you later! Yeah!
[laughs] YOU! DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE’S A TOWN OF SALEM CARD GAME COMIN’ OUT?! YOU MOTHERFUCKIN’ KNOW THERE IS!! Real life Town Of Salem game where you can play as your favorite online characters and even some new ones?! HOLY SHIT! Backing the card game will also get you some exclusive characters for the online game as well as an early copy of the card game! But don’t tell them I told you! [yelling again]
HOLY FUCK! THAT’S SO MANY THINGS! (Anti) But Kickstarter backers will also get exclusive Not-Suitable-For-Work cards!
[laughs] Don’t show your parents, or your Sam! Isn’t that right, Sam? *Crazed laughter* (Sean) Jacksepticeye-man awaaaaaaay! OOF Ow. Wade: Oh, apparently we’re starting, okay… Mark: What the fuck… Jack: Don’t we pick a name or somethin’? How do we do this? Bob: That happens next.
Wade: It’ll… it’ll happen next. Mark: [groans in disgust maybe?]
Jack: Oh okay. Mark: I don’t know what I’m ‘unna do! Jack: Neither do I. Mark, we’re in this together, hold me… Wade: [laughter]
Mark: okay…
Bob: It says… Wade: It’s gonna be so bad! Bob: It says on the screen everything you have to do.
Wade: Name yourself. Mark: [groans again]
Bob: I wish you could do dirty names. I have the dirtiest name. Jack: We don’t know how to play, so this, this is all gonna go terribly, Jack: but we’re gonna make it fun, and we’re gonna have FUN, DAMNIT! Wade: Yes you are.
Bob: [laughs] Jack: There you go.
Mark: [groaning]
Jack: “No scrolls equipped.” Jack: But I has scrolls! Jack: Are you all good with your roles, bitches?! Mark: yeahhhhh, whatever! [group laughing]
Wade: Now, if you’re green, you’re Town, if you’re red, you’re Mafia, and if you’re grayish, you’re neutral. Mark: [groaning and crying noises]
Jack: Oh…kay… Wade: So you see Jester is neutral even though they’re pink, Serial Killer is neutral even though Wade: they’re blue, Executioner is neutral-gray, there’s a Random Town, a Town Killing role that we don’t know, Wade: a bunch of green Towns and 3 Mafia. Mark: [sharp exhale-laugh-sound-thing] [clustered talking] Jack: I have NNNNO idea what I’m doing!
[laughter] Wade: And read your attributes and your goal at the… top right. Jack: Auuugh, fine! WHATEVER!
Wade: Just read it! Mark: [wines]
Wade: The goal’s to read!
Jack: WHATEVER, WADE! Mark: I WANT MY MOOOOMMMMY!!! Jack: YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!! [everyone laughs and/or cries] Jack: I want ice cream! Wade: No!
Jack: Aww…
Mark: Augh… Mark: I think I turned my music down so low-
Bob: Oh come on!
Mark: -I can’t hear anything. Jack: Bob, are you dead? Mark: Bob, did you die? Jack: Were you… were you- [laughter]
Bob: I may have been Sack NiBler (Sack Nee-blay). Bob: Sack Niblet! Mark: Michael NiBler…
[laughter] Bob: Right? That’s the same name! Mark: [laughing]
Wade: Yeah.
Bob: Mike NiBler. Jack: Awesome. Jack: Frodo… Frodo noooo! Mark: [laughs] Bob: “Bruce Wayne left the game”? Mark: Ohhh… man. Bob: But-
Jack: Just…
Bob: He must have to go be Batman, or something. Mark: That’s really suspicious of Brucey there…
Jack: [laughs] Jack: Hey, hey, Bat, Bat Wayne, I mean, Bruce Man, DAMMIT!
[laughter from everyone] Mark: I think he’s serious! Jack: I’m afraid to read anything in chat as well in case some people are able Jack: to see and some people are not and then I give away what I am. Mark: I’m not gonna type a damn thing, I’m not gonna talk to anybody… Jack: I’m not even gonna talk to you guys, I’m gonna talk to my camera. Jack: Hello camera. You look great today. Bob: No, seriously…
Mark: “Hello, audience…” Wade: “I hate my girlfriend!” Bob: If you wanna make this game – if you wanna make this round really fun, you should do what I Bob: always do, and now that I’m dead you can do it. ‘Cause I’m dead. Wade: Oh, what is that?
Jack and Mark: [laughing] Bob: Just, just bring as much chaos as you can into every day. Make random accusations and claim that you have facts to back it up. Jack: There’s a Harvey Dent and a Hardly Dent. [laughter] Mark: Someone’s lyin’ to us… Wade: I wonder which one’s the real one… Jack: I am the real Harvey Dent, ‘oh I’m Hardly…De’- That sounded funnier in my head before I said it. [laughter] Wade: ‘Oh, I’m, I’m Haaardly Dent~’ [MORE laughter] Jack: Shut up! You heard nothin’! Bob: You know I think you are the real Harvey Dent, um, my name’s Hardly. Jack: [laughs] Mark: Oop, well, that’s… oh, Death died.
Bob: O-Oh, man. Mark: Goddammit. Wade: ‘Cotton Mather,’ isn’t that a Scream reference? Jack: I might be dead. [chaotic laughter ensues] Mark: “Might be dead…” Jack: I might’ve been Death. Jack: Goddammit, man! I didn’t even realize I was dead until you guys said it! Mark: Why’re… wh-were you, who are you? Bob: Yeah, which one’s named Death? I don’t see anyone named Death. Jack: Cotton Mather.
Mark: Cotton Mather, was like… Mark: …the Grim Reaper.
Bob: Oh, uhh…
Jack: Yeeaaah. Bob: Mark, are you Trusty McCoolGuy? Mark: Yeah, I’m Trusty McCoolGuy! [laughter] Bob: I didn’t see that…I didn’t see that name until just now. Bob: …and immediately, my brain was like… “That one’s Mark.” Jack: Yeah. [series of haha’s and hehe’s] Mark: I’m glad I’m so obvious. Bob: [INHALE] Jack: Somebody said, “I want to touch Jacksepticeye.” How the hell do they know? ???: What?
Jack: Oh. That’s Wade. Mark: Oh okay.
Wade: No, that is NOT me… Mark: [huebeuhubeuhebleblea] Jack: Then how the hell would they POSSIBLY know? Wade: Tha- That’s gotta be Mark or Bob. It’s gotta be one of those two. Bob: I’m dead! Or am I?
Mark: Wait how do we… Wade: See?! Bob: [haha’s a lot] Mark: Oh… I was supposed to be voting. Oops. Mark: Wait, is Bob just throwing us for a loop here? Mark: Has Bob been lying and that’s Bob? Wade: I think it’s Bob. Mark: Bob was the first to cast shade on Wade, blamin’ him for those mistakes..? Jack: But Sack NiBler just said, “Jack, you can touch you later.” [Bob laughs suspiciously] Jack: I’m so confused! You made a confusing game MORE confusing! Bob: I- I’m dead and I’m still causing chaos! It’s amazing. Bob: Niceness. I wanted to keep it going but I just don’t have it in me. Bob: I sincerely was Sack NiBler. Mark: Oh, okay. Jack: Well My Name just got hanged. Mark: Wait you were Sack NiBler? That was it?
Bob: Yep. It’s pronounced “Nee-Blay.” Bob: Almost Fats Buttler but… [hAHhAHaHHAHhAHAH] Bob: Sack NiBler…
Jack: Or Butts Fatler… Bob: Butts Fatler… [HAHAHAHAHA] Jack: Look at my dead body next to Bruce Wayne! Wade: That was the guy – why did the – the Mafia’s just throwing this game. Mark: ARE they? Jack: I- I- I just have no idea what’s…
Mark: Oh! That was, oh… Bob: Maybe… maybe the first Mafia was killed by… SK or something…?
Jack: I still have no idea what’s going on. Jack: I’m so confused. Bob: You’re not alive this time so you can’t- Jack: [laughs] I’m still having fun though! [WOOOO!] Mark: Erryone’s having fun! Jack: Havin’ a good time, right?! Jack: It’s like that guy at the disco who doesn’t wanna be there, it’s like… …yeah! I love this song! Mark: You call it a… you still call it a disco in Ireland? Jack: Oh, are we supposed to be up in ‘da club’? Mark: No, I have no idea, I’m actually curious if you call it Mark: a discotheque. Wade: Oh NO! Mark: Oh jeez, whoa… Jack: Oh no, my fuckin’ ears… Bob: Wait, did someone stick their finger in somewhere Bob: it’s not supposed to go? Jack: Hardly Dent is dead… Wade: That was me! [laughter] Wade: I was Haaardly Dent~ Mark: How would they be able to, like… Bob: No, what they saw in the lobby, Bob: muyskermACTUAL, LordMinion777, Markimurderyou, Bob: and Jackiepooper. Mark: Ohhh… Jack: Then why aren’t they talkin’ about everyone else? Jack: Why is it ME? Bob: Well you’re the popular one… Jack: Noooo… Bob: Jack, everyone loves your piercing blue eyes…
Jack: This doesn’t make any se- you’re confusing the Jack: shit out of me! I- I can’t- can’t do it, Mark! Jack: I CAN’T DO IT! Jack: UUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mark: Yeah, ripping off your clothes… Jack: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! I CAN’T DO IT! NOOOO!!! [all mumbling tune and lyrics to “Here I Go Again”] Jack: Here I go again on my own! Bob: That’s not the words, is it? Jack: GOIN’ DOWN THE ONLY ROAD I’VE EVER KNOWN! Wade: Did you just get muted by yourself? Mark: Everybody, I glad it got cut off right there. Bob: His mic was just like, FUCK- Wade: “ON YOUR O–” Jack: Come on, I was good! Wade: I mean, it’s really, it’s like a 3rd grade learning level. Jack: Hey! Fuck you, man!
Mark: Shut up! Mark: Yeah! Jack: When you’re our teacher, it’s like, the bad school Jack: of not knowing stuff. Wade: Bob! Bob, teach them, maybe they’ll listen to you! Jack: No! We don’t wanna learn, we don’t wanna learn! Bob: I don’t wanna teach ’em, I like it being this all way. Mark: I’ve learned enough to get by. Jack: I’ve learned enough…
Mark: I made it to the end of the game…and I’m good. Jack: I died second round!
Wade: The one time your role is to die, you live to Wade: the end, Mark. You did, you did something. Mark: WELL WHATEVER, OKAY?! Just let me be- I’m Mark: havin’ FUN, and that’s important- Wade: You were the ONLY ONE whose role is to die and Wade: you were the only one who lived! Mark: [sigh] Jack: CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?! Wade: NO! Jack: AAAHHHH I WANT ICE CREAM! Wade: – with each other… sexually… Mark: Whoa. Wade: “Trusty McCoolGuy has joined the Town.” Great. Wade: Here we go. Mark: I TOLD YOU! I’m gonna be Trusty McCoolGuy! Jack: “Alotta Fagina”! [laughs] Mark: If I can’t be honest with my friends… Jack: Alotta Fagina… Mark: Oh, “Markiplier has joined the Town.” Very clever. Mark: One of you guys. Mark: AAAAAAAAAA!!! Jack: The FUCK was that?! Mark: Gettin’ ready for my role. Jack: It sounded like a crow just landed on your microphone. *very accurate crow screech* Mark: I- I cut the roof off of my house and birds just land by. Jack: Somebody’s “WiFi on da bus.” [laughlaughlaugh] Wade: “Hey guys! What a nice day!” Wade: I swear to God, you have some like default cheesy Wade: line button you press. Jack: “Hope you have fun!” Mark: What’s wrong with that? What’s wrong with a little Mark: positivity in life?! Mark: You guys wanna crush my heart. Mark: You just wanna crush me. Wanna crush it. Jack: [mouthing things] Mark: Can one of you guys use knowing who I am Mark: against me? Is that something that can happen? Bob: I, uh… Mark: Are you, are one of you, uh… Jack: Yes. I’m gonna- I’m going to do that. Wade: Well, seeya later, the person who left.
Bob: Josie left. Jack: Bye, Josea! Bob: Pussycats are gonna go soon. Jack: Wifi on da bus?! Now we can’t get Wifi! Mark: Ohh… wait, was Wifi on da bus actually a Mark: werewolf or is that just the… Wade: Wow, a Mafia and Serial Killer killed Wifi on da bus. Wade: That was a tag-team effort. Mark: No one likes Wifi…
Bob: Why do people hate Wifi so much, man? Wade: [laughs] Wade: “That’s so sad! I hope everyone is doing ok!” God, Mark, I swear… Mark: WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY PO- okay, Wade, Mark: you were the only one criticizing my positivity. Bob: [laughs] Mark: I’ve got a little version of you in my house so don’t criticize… Bob: [AHEUHEUHEU] Mark: SHUT UP, MARKIPLIER! YOU’RE NOT ME! Jack and Wade: [hehehahahaha] Wade: “Hello everybody!” Jack: [doing a not-exactly-Mark voice] Hello everybody! Bob: [hahahaha] Wade: Markiplier, OUT! Bob: “That’s a great Ma…” [everyone laughs] Jack: That’s a great Markiplier impression! *More Laughter* Jack: Write something again, please! I wanna hear what- Jack: I wanna hear how spot-on they are with you. Jack: They should just write “douchedouchedouchedouchedouche.” Wade: That’s all- that’s all I know, that’s all I got. [Mark laughing] Wade: Why is everyone voting for Lucas…
Mark: WHAT?! Why did Mark vote against ME?! Mark: I… I was on his side! Jack: ‘Cause you just said Markiplier sucks! Mark: DAMMIT. Jack: SOMEbody knows! Mark: WAS THAT ONE A’ YOU?! Mark: One of my so-called friends?! Bob: Oh really, do you still call us your friends? If you’re honest. Mark: Yes. Of course. Wade: We’re friends… Mark: I don’t have anyone else in my life… Mark: So what else am I gonna do? Jack: Ah, shut up. Bob: I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna affect this one person Bob: that I’m absolutely certain is Jack. Bob: I’m just gonna leave you alone, Jack. Jack: How do you know I’m not dead already? Bob: You’re Alotta Fagina, right? Jack: N-nooooo… Jack: It’s “Alotta Fa-GYNA,” okay?! Not “FAGINA!” Bob: It’s pronounced “Fagyna?” Jack: JESUS, man! Wade: Fagina?! Jack: If you’re gonna say it, get it right! Wade: …faginal ointment… Mark: Aw, man, I was like, triple-teamed last night… Mark: People don’t like Trusty McCoolGuy! Jack: “Boutta catch these hands!” Hahah! I don’t know what this means! Bob: I shouldn’t have stood next to Mark–
Mark: Brutally murdered… [clustered talking] Mark: I was also role-blocked by somebody… Jack: Are you dead, Bob? Wade: Aw, you wanted to get hung! Bob: You were actually the Jester again! Mark: Yeah, I… Mark: How am I… Mark: How am I supposed to get hung? What is- Mark: How does that work? Jack: Ahhh, shit dude, everyone’s gonna die! Jack: Ahh, we’re all gonna DIE. Jack: I CAN’T DO IT! THE HUMANITY! Wade: DANGIT! Mark: Man, good call!
Bob: Yeah. Jack: Which one- which one were you, Wade? Wade: I was The Number Poo… [laughter] Jack: Clever… Bob: So are we all dead right now? Mark: I KNEW you died, Bob! Mark: I knew it! Jack: I’m not dead! Bob: I thought you were Alotta Fagina.
Jack: No. Mark: [to Bob] There we go, you, you WERE Jonathan Corwin! Bob: Yeah… of course I was, I talked a lot about– Wade: Alotta Fagina was an Escort! [laughter] Jack: Ooh, stabbed by a Serial Killer. Guess wh- guess which person I am! Bob: You’re Markiplier, aren’t you? Jack: Nnnnnnooooo… [laughter] Jack: I-I also might have shot Mark… [laughter] Mark: Come on! Wade: Gone In Alotta Fagina. Mark: I can’t believe you all would shoot Trusty McCoolGuy. Jack: I had to destroy the real one! No one would Jack: believe I am the Mark then! Mark: No one knew I was Mark anyway! Wade: Aw, that’s my sad death letter. Mark: Not really sad, no one cared. Jack: Yeah, I also- I also shot Alotta Fagina. Bob: You should- at every game, Mark, you should just Bob: lead with: “Hey everybody! Have a great time! Bob: I’m the Jester. Don’t vote for me!” Mark: That’s what I’m gonna do! Bob: “Just let me live ’til the end and I won’t do anything!” Mark: Alright, okay Bob. I’ll- I’ll do that. Bob: As a born-again jester! Mark: You herd mentality bitch! Jack: What can I say? I’m a dick. Bob: You got that… huge mouth full of semen, Mark. Mark: I’ve just got a bucket of semen here and I like to scoop it out. Jack: Augh, I imagined it, oh, why?! Wade: Went down to the Chum Bucket, their Cum Bucket, got a bucket of semen… Jack: Ahh, no- some people have a spit bucket, Jack: Mark just has a cum bucket next to him. Bob: Oh so it’s his own? Is that what we’re saying? Mark: Yeah, I gotta recycle, man, I’m all about the environment. Wade: Did you say it’s ‘jizz own’? Jack: No, he didn’t, but let’s pretend he did. Bob: I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t say that. Jack: GUILTY! Wade: I was so happy… Jack: “You have to put away your gun for killing a Town member.” DAMMIT! I can’t kill another person! Bob: Uh-oh. You done. Jack: Yeah, I’m dead. Jack: Noooo, I wanna kill the peeeeople! It’s the only fun I have, is murdering others. [sad piano music plays] Mark: Let’s do this! Jack: I wish I had more–
Mark: [demon noises] Mark: Habede habede habede, blep blep blep ble ble… Jack: I need- I need to think of a cool name! Oh, shit, uhhm… Mark: Cool Trusty Mc, M-C. MC Cool Trusty comin’ atcha! Jack: Pikachu! PantsGuy McTrust… Bob: Cool Trusty Mc, I didn’t see that one… Bob: I heard you talking about it but I didn’t see it… Wade: I barely got my name in… Jack: Come on, scroll. Come on, scroll! Bob: Come on, Jester! Jack: You piece a’ shit scroll… [indecipherable talking] Jack: Are you guys– Mark: You’ll NEVER guess! Jack: Are you guys BOTH Jesters?! [Mark and Bob laugh] Jack: [groans] Bob: “Pants Guy McTrust… Trusty McCoolGuy…” Jack: Trusty McCoolGuy and Cool Trusty Man… [uproarious laughter from everyone] Jack: All at the exact same time! [more laughter and indecipherable talking] Bob: Yeah, this is not going to make any fucking sense- Bob: -to anyone, is it?
Wade: And I said why is everyone… Jack: Oh my God, that’s the best! Jack: I was hoping when everyone went silent, that”s exactly what was going to happen. Mark: Just furiously typing away at this one – Jack: Holy shit… Bob: I just love that we’re all the same… Bob: Is PantsGuy McTrust not a doctor? [everyone laughs] Jack: All at the exact same time AGAIN? [more laughter] Jack: I hope people who watch this know what we’re laughing at as well… Bob: They…they will have to…[mumbles] Wade [laughing]: Yeah, me too! [laughter and incomprehensible speaking] Bob [laughing]: At the same time again! Wade: Oh my God… [Mark laughs] Jack [laughing]: Joop has changed their vote to Trusty McCoolGuy! [Bob laughs] Bob: This is definitely the strangest game of Town of Salem I’ve ever played. Wade: Yes, it is. Mark: Everyone else in the game is losing their minds…
Jack: See, when you don’t know HOW to play, you have to make it FUN! Jack: “It’s a lovely morning to be a jester…”
Wade [laughing]: William Hobbs joining in… [everyone laughs] Jack: “Who will treat us when we get AIDS now? The poor doctor is dead!” Bob [laughing]: Cristiano left the game! [everyone laughs] Bob: We made someone rage-quit with all of our joy and niceness. [Mark laughs] Jack: Everyone vote for peach, and then mob mentality will kick in, so we’ll get them to… Jack [laughing]: …kick off everyone! Wade: Oh, the Veteran? Oh, the town has lost a lot of people… Jack: ‘Kay, everyone vote peach! [laughs] Bob: Oh, I thought we were vote for Wade…[laughs] [everyone laughs] Jack: You are so quick to sell him out! [laughs] Wade: [incomprehensible words] trying to kill…Trustymccool GUY…
Jack: Fuck you, peach! Mark: An opportunity to get WADE out of the game, YEAH! Wade: WOW, Bob! Bob: What the hell? [laughs] Wade: I’m doing what’s good — I’m doing what’s BEST! Bob: You know what’s BEST?
Jack: “What is your defense?” Jack: “What is your defense?” “I hate jesters!” [laughs] [others laugh] Wade: “What the hell? Why ME?” [Bob laughs] Jack: Sorry, peach, but you HAD to die! Jack: You knew too much! Wade: “Pikachu’s my least favorite Po-” “Pika? Pika pi?” Jack: CHUUUUUUUU! Wade: Oh…I was…”chu?” That makes more sense — “Chuuuuu?” Mark: “Chu?” Oh God…
Jack: No! You have to say it “Pika- Jack: -CHUUUUUUU!” [Mark laughs]
Bob: “Ch…chu?” Wait, is one of us actually Jester? Mark: I am. I really am the Jester.
Jack: Mark’s…Mark’s the Jester.
Bob: Oh, okay. Mark: Represent — I AM Jester. Jack: I’m the Medium. [laughs at the chat] Keep talking that way, joop, and you’re next! [everyone laughs again] Jack: DAMN it, we didn’t get to kill someone! Mark [laughing]: Damn it! Jack: The best part is, they don’t know which one of us to kill first. [Mark laughs]
Bob: I know… [laughs] Jack: So they’re like, “We wanna kill ALL of them”, but they don’t know which one to do. [Mark laughs] Bob: Ohhh God… Mark: I…I’ve a feeling…I’m at — oh — Jack: Pikach — [bursts out laughing]
Wade: Pikachu LEFT! [everyone laughs] Mark: We’ll be majority of the town…in this next one… [starts giggling] Wade: Yes, we will… Jack: Yes! Majority! Mark: Unless one of us DIES… Jack: Aw nooo!
Mark: …That’d be nice… Mark: Awww.
Jack: I just died as you said that! Fuck! [Mark laughs]
Wade: Why in the world would you role-block me? Jack: NOOOOOOO! Bob: Not our emcee! Bob: Now who’s going to announce my –
Jack: Ohh, CoolTrusty MC, bro! Jack: I had ALL the… Jack: …the…the haps. Mark: So what do we do now? Bob [laughing]: I don’t know. I guess we win. Mark [laughing]: Do we just hang each other one by one? [Bob laughs] Mark: I want the Serial Killer to win.. Jack: This is like Survivor now.
Bob: Wade? Yeah, Wade — Wade: What?
Bob: You kill…you kill me tonight and then kill Mark tomorrow night, and then… Wade: Oh, okay. Mark: You could either kill me the next night, or… Jack [whispering]: Both of you just vote for Wade right now. Jack: Who’s gonna do it? [Mark laughing]
Jack: Who’s gonna tip — Who’s gonna put their toe in the pool first? [Mark laughing]
Jack: Whooo’s gonna DO it? [everyone laughs] Mark: I’m goin’ for it. Jack: Do it!
Bob: Oh no, I can’t vote… Bob: Okay. [everyone laughs] Bob: I spammed chat too much; it was like: “Can’t vote…” Bob: “…Can’t vote…You can’t vote…”
Jack: I KNEW I could coerce you guys! [Bob laughs] Bob: Wade is just staring…
Jack [talking over]: It ALWAYS comes down to MURDER! Bob: Wade is just staring into the camera right now, seething. Jack: Aww, poor Woad. What’s your death animation? Mark: Is it the rock? Mark: It’s the rock.
Bob [laughing]: “Chuuuuu!” Jack: It’s the rock.
Mark: Maaan… Bob: You don’t know –
Mark: Uh-oh! Mark: Little Wade’s so sad!
Jack [laughing]: Awwwwwww! Jack: “Aw no…What’s that shadow?” [everyone laughs] Wade: Little Wade got to LIVE! [laughter continues] Sam danceee [uproarious laughter from everyone]


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