Key & Peele – Killing an African Warlord


COMMANDER BEAUJOLAIS! OUR FORCES
HAVE BEEN DEVASTATED. THE ENEMY IS AT THE EDGE
OF THE VILLAGE. THERE ARE NOT
MANY OF US LEFT. SHOULD WE SURRENDER? – YOU MAY SURRENDER, JENGO. BUT I AM AFRAID THAT IS
A LUXURY I CANNOT AFFORD. YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT THEY DO TO WARLORDS. IF THEY CAPTURE ME,
THEY WILL TORTURE ME FOR WEEKS. THAT IS NO WAY TO GO. I WANT YOU, MY MOST TRUSTED
SOLDIER OVER THE AGE OF EIGHT, TO TAKE MY LIFE. THAT IS MY FINAL ORDER. AAH! OH! OH! OH! OW! OW! NO, DO–NO!
AAH, STOP, STOP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? HAA! – I WAS TRYING
TO KILL YOU, SIR. – NOT WITH THIS!
THERE’S A GUN IN THE DRAWER! AAH! – OH. SO SORRY. OKAY. – AMAZING. YOU MISSED EVERY
VITAL ORGAN, JENGO. OH…
– FOUND IT. – ALL RIGHT,
NOW KILL ME, JENGO. HURRY, PLEASE! [screams] NOT IN THE KNEE! – I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
WANT AN OPEN CASKET. – YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
[groans] – DON’T SAY THAT.
I DID TRY MY BEST. – SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD,
YOU IMBECILE! [groans]
GOD. – GOOD-BYE, COMMANDER. [cocks gun] YOU SORRY-ASS PIECE OF SH–
[gun clicks] [clicking] – DID YOU JUST INSULT ME
AS YOU WERE ABOUT TO FIRE? – OH, WELL,
YOU HAD INSULTED ME EARLIER. I TH–I THOUGHT
YOU WOULD BE DEAD. AH, OOH. SO SORRY. – OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP–STOP IT!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? – THE GUN IS EMPTY.
WOULD YOU LIKE I STAB YOU AGAIN? – NO, NO, NO! PLEASE! JENGO, THERE ARE BULLETS!
THEY ARE OVER THERE! – OKAY. – JENGO, PLEASE HURRY!
I AM IN AGONY! [clatters] OW! WHAT THE BLAZES, MAN? – I THOUGHT
I COULD KILL YOU VERY QUICK BY HITTING YOU
WITH THAT BIG COOKING POT. – OH, MY GOD, WOULD YOU PLEASE,
I MEAN, PLEASE GET IT OVER WITH? – I DID NOT
FIND THE BULLETS. – WHAT?
– BUT BETTER. BOILING HOT WATER. – WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO WITH– [screams] I SURRENDER! I AM THE GENERAL
DOMINICK BUJUNE! – COMMANDER! DON’T GO!
THEY’LL TORTURE YOU!

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