I am here. Now.

I went through a little bit
difficult time in the summer, with health issues, I was
diagnosed with cancer, and had cancer treatment just recently. This is a low grade cancer,
it had a very good prognosis, but facing with mortality, and this means also, “Okay how do I want to live my life? “However long it still is?” And gratitude is one very important, part of it, and really going for joy and for compassion and
all these kinds of things, and put it into painting. I enter my studio, and I mix paints, and I hear my brush strokes, I look out and see the mountains there, and having my quiet place and
having the time to be here makes me very grateful. And surely, I don’t know how,
but with this inner attitude of gratitude, it truly transports
somehow on the painting. It’s this urge to express
one’s self, and painting, and only to, you know when I
didn’t paint for a long time, first of all, its all the time a little
difficult to get in again, but then for example,
you have a big surface and a big brush, and maybe
only black paint or something, go over a surface with a big
brush, it’s just essential. experience, when the paint drops, and I listen to the paint brush, it’s this experience, it’s so wonderful like being in the flow. And I think many artists, at least I, sometimes think I paint
because of this state of being, being in this flow state. What’s so wonderful is,
it’s an ongoing process. Which keeps us so alive. And this process is unfolding, I don’t know where I’ll be next year or tomorrow with my work, with myself. All the time, it is so connected, being in the flow and
being in the now, totally, and when all that’s out there, worries, or whatever, disturbances, it’s not there. I am here, with my painting,
and this is my world now. I can decide, I am free to paint, very fine or very bold or, I can take whatever color I want, or whatever painting
with scent or whatever. It’s a lot of freedom. Painting is for me, being like
birth, death, and rebirth. And it’s an ongoing process, and when there’s death
then there’s rebirth again. When the wave is finished,
there’s another wave. Some are very high, and
some are not so high. This is what we have to deal with in life, and painting is life.


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