BOAT BOYS | God Of War – Part 3

~Wapshh~ TOP OF THE MORNIN’ TO YA LADDIES! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to Dad of B O Y; That’s what I’m calling it from now on because that’s the best– *cut off by Kratos* –name. Hmm, who’s locked up? *rawr* Ohh, you. You a Draugr? *rawr* Seem like a Draugr. Imma– *Jack is buffering* –Imma gonna call you a Draugr. Okay. There’s a thing inside that one. Can I get to that? So we’re here to try and help– Well, we’re here to help ourselves– Ah, we’re not here to help the light elves, so let’s, uh, mo- Well, hurry up, B O Y. You gotta follow me faster. I’m a big dad. I got long legs. All you got is those itty-bitty hooves. All right. Nice, nice, nice. All right. I’m assuming you guys are all gonna (*rawr*) come out and come after me after a while but until then, I’m gonna go get myself a Light of Alfheim. Think I ordered that at Starbucks one time. Hello! Oh, blocking, I see. You learned a thing or two. I’ll just keep doin’ this. There we go. That’s the one. I hear it, boy. Thank you for warning me! Hey, I– OH-HO-HO-HO!! There’s so many of you!! Okay. Here (x5), have some of that, why don’t ‘cha? And some of this one. Nice! Aww, he actually complimented him! Good work Trey-Trey! Now! Ugh, those guys can– It sounds like he said, “Nani you!!” Nani the fuck?? Heh, “Nani hoo hoo!” *laughs* Ow shit, I was trying to block it again. Okay. I want to do the– These guys fuckin’ suck!! I see. Oh god, they both attack them at the same time. STAY AWAY FROM MY B O Y!! Nice…one…Kratos! There we go. That’s the shit! That’s cool! Double team, boy and dad, dad and B O Y. All right, cool. Trigger one of these… …And let’s get going. All right. There’s a thing there, but I’m not seeing any urns… Ooo, I see one. I can’t hit you through that, can I? This-ish-is a puzzle!! Bit of a puzzler. Okay. Bye, boy! Oh, see another one down there. Bye, B O Y. Wait a minute. Can I just stop it here? Ooooo. Wait, I don’t even have to freeze it. Let’s just do that! *laughs* Okay. Wait, is this thing moving? No… HAHA!! It’s not tricky; It’s easy. How do we do that one though? That’s- that’s a mystery. Can I just lob you in over this..? Hah hey!!!!! I’m a fuckin’ genius! I don’t even know if that’s the way you’re supposed to do it, but I will take it. Okay. B O Y. I hope you’re behaving yourself. What’d I get? An Idunn Apple! Yeees, my health goes up even more now!! Ohh, I’m a big B O Y. Imma– Imma just keep sayin’ it man, it’s fun. Uhm… Yeah, somebody pointed out that they’re called Ithuun apples, but they’re basically the apples of Eden. Like Garden of Eden and all that nonsense. There ain’t no Adam and Eve around here, that’s for sure; Boy, wait up! *Jack imitates sound of axe returning* It’s like that scene in Thor: Ragnarok, where Doctor Strange gets him and then he’s like– He just holds out his hand, he’s like, “Sorry, Sorry,” and then he just starts smashing everything and then the hammer comes in. That’s what I’m doing. I’m Thor. Trey-Trey, don’t worry, I believe you. Even if Kray-Kray doesn’t. This room got a point? It’s just a death gallery. Movin’ on. Sir, how’s it going? I’ll be back for you later, don’t worry. You will a– yes, yes, you will all die. It will be wonderful. Oh, it was only two on that one. Very interesting. HYUP! *singing* Thank you for the Hacksilver! OH SHIT!!!! OH SHIT, THERE’S MORE!!!! OH, YEAAH!! Here we go!! I’m so badass!! *imitates Dark Elves* I’m at infinite rage mode right now. Hell yea. No one. Takes. My. B O Y. *imitates Dark Elves* Yeah, whatever. Yeah, keep spoutin’ your– frickin’ mumbo jumbo. See if I care. I’m all about kickin’ ass and saving boys. Looks like I’m all out of boys to save. That’s not true; my boy’s always in trouble. H-How– Can I– can I get over there? What? Oh, I can. Oh, jesus. Ho ho ho!! (hi Santa) Holy crap!!! THAT’S how you save your boy! Just start punching holes in walls. *everything collapses* I see ya. I see ya. I see ya, ya big bull-horned weirdo. Good effort. *imitates angry Tray-Tray* You tried, boy. Damn. Missed it. Nice!! WAPOOSH!! This doesn’t freeze them, though. Get off the edge. Get off the edge! And then he can fly, so I don’t know what I’m trying to do with that. Nista! Dang it. OOAAHAH! BWUH! No problem! Aww, Kratos… Open up that steely ice cold heart of yours. Ah, I see.. It will though, because we’re gonna get the Light of Alfheim to use it. Alright– I got some stuff. What can I upgrade? “While evading press quick attack…” Yeah, whatever. “Increase the amount of permafrost gained.” I can’t even get these. Also, whatever. Wait, what was this one? Oh, yeah. The one to charge it up; The one that I thought I got already. Any ones here? Ooooo, in Spartan Rage I can hold R1 for an even BIGGER boy attack. Nice. I will take that please. Aww, that used up my Spartan rage? That sucks. What’s this? Okay. That’s a blue thing as well, something for later, maybe. Aaand the thing over there for later, maybe, as well. Oh, and probably that thing as well. I don’t know. Let’s go through the only door that is an option for us. Door number: B O Y. Plus, she’s a witch. I doubt she’s gonna die that easily. I guess if you throw water on her and melt her. Ooo. So that’s the actual light then, right? That’s the one that got covered up? Is that the focus beam that I gotta save? Ahhh. *laughs* Always expect resistance. Always expect itchy noses. That’s the one thing about having a little mustache– You get lotsa itchy noses all the time. There they are. Aw crap, I missed him with it. That would’ve been awesome! Nice one, boy! Nani? OWW. *Jack battle noises* FUCK’EM UP!!! Throw his spear at him! O0o, that was different. I like the little *phht* that comes out of them. Where? Aaah… Oh, hi. Get him, boy. Oh, shit! Oh, god, what the hell is this thing?? “Stone Ancient.” Uh-oh. Okay. Good (3x). Good deal. Good deal. I’m assuming that’s the weak point. Gimme an opening. Oh, I got him. Ugh, things are falling out of ya, dude. Ooo! Me either. Ooh, he’s on his knees! Ooh, get him! Hell yeah! Oh, yes! Go, Kratos!! You don’t mess with Kray-Kray and Trey-Trey! All right, let’s just do that again. *pained noise* I don’t know how I’m blocking that, I’m just happy that I am. Oh, wrong thing. Oops. *giggles* Jeez, calm down, man. Wait for it. I am actually blocking all of that; It looks like it’s… doing damage to my legs, though. No, these other douchebags. GET’EM BOY!!!! Can I fire as the boy as well while doing this? Oh, come on. Come on. All the way to the end. Oh, so close!! Didn’t get it. Oh, he hits them as well. NIAH! HWUH! HWAAAH!! Nyah!! I like to make my own sound effects. The game does a good job, but I just really like my own sound effects. Oh– OH– OH HO HO HO!!! I split ‘im in half!!! It was amazing! Okay. Yeaah, you dead, boy. *victorious Jack noise* Sweet. Oh, I don’t get to keep those? I wanted to keep that. What is this? “Fragmented Heart of Alfheim: Reduces all damage from Dark Elves’ attacks by 12% (stacks up to 36%)…” Oooo. What is this thing? “Ancient’s Heart.” Okay. I’m assuming that that’s gonna make some badass weaponry. Good job, boy. We did it together. Okay. That seems important. Nice! High fives. Ooo, new attack. “Njord’s Tempest.” “A rapidly spinning melee attack that clears out surrounding enemies and deals significant damage.” Oh, and that replaces my “Charge of the White Bear.” Yeah, ’cause I didn’t really like that one anyway. Oh, yes! That’s like the old attack when you had the Blades of Chaos. Er, I guess they were the Blades of Athena, in the third game– But you had ones where you like spun them around and swung them and kept swinging and swinging. That was always one of my favorite attacks. I don’t need that thing cause’ I have full rage already. Oh, it’s like a heart. Ooo, nice. Also, gross. They don’t call me the Dad of War for nothin’, Trey-Trey. Yes! Okay. That seems like the right way, but what about this one? This is an extra bridge boy over here. “The Spoils of War.” *in a deeper voice* The spoils… of war. *giggles* I love doin’ that. B O Y– Oh? Did y’all see that shadow? I saw that shadow, I don’t trust this. Kratos always gets out on top. ‘Cause he’s a winner; He never backs down. Woww… The blue door..? Oh, this one. Okay. So, that wasn’t the main source of light, then. I thought those doors would have opened up with all the prisoners in them, so I could fight them, but I guess not. The “Ringed Temple.” Ohh. I can’t do my whole, like, *imitates opening a door* peek-a-boo, it’s Johnny. Ooo, I see a bell. Where’s the last one?… Hmm… I don’t know. Oh, damn. Wait, how do I– *sings* How do I liive without you? (Damn, he’s not bad.) Can I really just– Oh, that was it. Ah, there’s the last one. Okay. So, Gotta be quick about this. I’m not that good with the controller aiming. Aw, come on! You son of a bitch. Really?!? REALLY?!?!? You’re gonna do that to me? Asshole game. Oh, I thought it’d be faster to do this. Fuck’s sake. Okay. (x3) Let’s hold on. I should have gotten that those times. I feel like that’s a bit unfair. There we go. Don’t– Don’t you test me. Shut up– Ssteh– *chuckles* I wo– I don’t wanna hear anything, okay? I don’t wanna hear nuthin’. Is that another one? Yesss. Nice. Cool! Like a half of another meter– Well, just under half. Nice one. Did you see that, boy? This gives me, like, really strong– Oh hey, Sindri. This gives me really strong God of War 1 and 2 vibes; A lot more than 3. Heh. It’s this diiickk. *chuckles* She was on meth. “More Than Myth.” Let me– Let me read the lore, I want to see the lore. “A Giant Sorceress, and a powerful seer. Slain by Odin… did he steal her book of visions?” Are these all things that happened, or are these things– are these like prophecies? Cause’ the other one talks about the World Serpent and Thor fighting and bringing about Ragnarok like it was going to happen, and then this one seems like something that has happened… So, I don’t know. Maybe a bit of both. Oh. *laughs* Wait, was that it? Okay. *imitates Sindri* “Could use a distraction.” “Pauldron of the Ancients.” I need two more Ancient’s Hearts to do that? Mother of boy. I need– Oh, Ancient’s Rubble for that one. Okay. I guess I know what I’m making next. Still need eleven Ancient’s Rubble and… two Ancient’s Heart. That’s a lottt. Okay. These talismans, I don’t really like. “Increases the amount of rage gained from combat,” no. “Releases a shockwave that inflicts a moderate amount of stun damage to nearby enemies. Also has a passive effect that restores a small amount of health every time an enemy’s stun is grabbed.” A– “An enemy is stun grabbed…” (there you go) As in, when I take it out… …with, like, R3? Dude, I have 1200 XP. Umm… Okay. I don’t really like them above… Ooo, and I can upgrade this one with the Dust of Realms- Yes! I like my one that heals me; It’s very, very useful. No. I don’t want your– frickin’– Village People outfit. Sell. Artifacts. In mah butt. “Resurrection Stones,” no. *laughs* *chuckles* No. Okay. Bye, Sindri. *chuckles* I like Sindri. He’s cool. I don’t know if I trust them, though. It’s really weird how secretive they are. Are they actually brothers? What if they’re the same person? Almost got him. Ooo, there’s three of them. It’d be cool if I pulled it back up through all three of them. Wait, couldn’t I just go on the ground and do it? That’ll be better. Oooo, butterflies! Pretty! Oh. “Jakku?” Somebody’s a fan of Star Wars. Oh, I can do this one! I thought they were going to keep running at me. MISTAKKKEEE!!! How did you do that? You know what? Fuck this. C’mere! I hate you guys! You guys suck! ‘Cause you’re able to fly away from me and I don’t like that. Did I get him? Goddammit. Get him, boy. Oh, yeah, that was the end of my combo; I forgot I had that as well. How did that hit me? OH, that was AWESOME!! 😀 Oh, you’re attacking the boy. AAHHHHH HA HA HA!!! Get him, boy. Nice. I like to let him finish them off. Make him feel all strong and powerful. Oh, there’s another one there. Oh, wait, you’re just– You’re just hanging on to that thing. I get it. Oh, wait, I got some… XP, didn’t I? Can I upgrade any of your stuff? “Atreus can perform a variety of stun damage whennnn attacks– when enemies are near.” Attacks are near… When the attacks are near, Atreus will attack. Ehm, what is this one? *reads Spartan Stomp description* Neh. Bare-handed hold… I don’t really want to– I don’t really want bare-handed stuff yet. Okay, let’s get this. Everything is progress. There we go. KYUP!! Kobe!! Niccccceeeeeee. Sick. Wait, wasn’t there another chest back further that I didn’t get because of something like that? Svartlfheim Steel. I want to comb this area once more before we go back out. Nightmares. Oh, wait, did I get the upgrade that– Nope. I see it, boy! I’m also kicking, like, absolute ass, so. Mine’s stronger. That was epicuu!! I hate them. I hate them. Get him, boy. Mother of god. When– when you’re not looking near an enemy or you’re not, like, auto-locked on yourself, the boy doesn’t actually attack them. It’s kind of annoying. Are you the ones doing that? Okay. My– my talisman now actually gave me a decent amount of health; That’s good. Like that. The boy’s not attacking him. Oh, I blinded him! Aww, give him a win. Give him one, Kratos. Give him a– give him a pat on the back. Tell him he’s doing great. Be the dad to that B O Y. Whoa, the hell is this? What is it? *Jack imitates ringing noise* We still have to fight big, bad, golden horns as well. Another way up is back there, but I want to search. He who searches, finds the secrets. Wait, there’s a third one? Ohh, wait, it’s right behind it. Nice. What did I do? Did I take some of the goo off another one further in? I think so. Okay. Yeah, good job, Atreus. That’s– I was going that way, anyway. Okay. Hop on. Hee hee! You guys are adorable~ Ooo, spooky. *chanting?* *speaking?* This person gonna die? Nooo. Dammnn. And he’s right, because that was always the thing is that Kratos was attacking the gods, And from an outsider’s perspective it would’ve been a case of, like, “Why is he killing the gods? The gods are awesome.” But to Kratos, it’s like, “Do not assume.” When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. (Words of wisdom.) HYAH!! Ooo, that’s pretty awesome, actually. Nice. (x5) GET AWAY FROM ME! I need to heal. Ooo, that guy’s weak! Oh– he’s al– he’s dead. *laughs* I got it off. *such intimidating* Oww! You, suck an ass. Now, boy! Can I get a thing that deflects that shit back at them? Freezy time! Just call me Mr. Chill. (No, thanks…) Nice. Is there another on this side? Oh, these people are all just, consumed, in the wall. That health is nice. I like that… …these games are, like, classic. You don’t just regain health. I know you’re a god and everything; It’d be easy for him to just, like, “Rejuvenate” like that, but I like that I– well it was the same in the old games– that you actually have to, like… Get your healing. Whoops. Hey, I still hit him. That’s what I’ve been telling you boy. Nice! That is so much fun. Oh, Jesus. Uh-oh. Get ‘im. Get ‘im. Get ‘im! Hey, I got him! Wait, is that you? I don’t think that’s the same guy, ’cause the item fell out of the other one. Oh, he’s weak. Get ‘im! Nice. And I can heal again. Okay. That still does not give me much health. Look how powerful my hands are. You see that, Atreus? Dad don’t even need an axe. Sweet. *smol Jack noise* I mean, I’m trying to Trey, y’know. A guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. All to bring some ashes to the top of a mountain. Today. Who am I to belittle your plight? I’m sure it’s very important. Oh god, there’s a whole bunch of them. Okay. You have to line up somehow. Ah, there we go. This lines up right. I wonder if I can– Yeah, give– Ahhhh, give me a moment , boy. You see? Ya see? I’m a genius. Here we go. There was nine of them: 3 threes. Oh god, hi. Fucking hell. Stranger. Stranger danger. Also, that was quick maths. Keep in mind, Atreus, next week we’re doing trigonometry. This week: killing people. Next week: Algebra. (Poor Atreus.) Eeugh, yeah. All around me– ugh, that’s gross. Get ‘im! Jeez. Yeah, you should go sleep in there. *laughs* Holy hell. That was awesome. Also, Kratos, again: sage advice. His– his mind is focused on the task at hand. Atreus was too concerned about whether she was gonna die or not where Kratos was like, “She’s probably fine.” “But I’m gonna listen to what she has to say.” But she also did say, “Don’t get caught up in the…” something. And I’m gonna assume it’s the whirling dervish. *imitates Atreus* “Eugh, it’s so sticky.” Aw, why’d you do that? Oh, hey look, the light. We made it in. Oh god, look at them all. Ew. They’re so gross. I don’t like it. I don’t like it. Take it away. “Destroy the hive and claim the light.” But they’re not gonna like that. Okay. Ugh, it’s like a bunch of locusts. Oh god. *imitates Dark Elf* Are you guys from Naboo? Oh, Christ. Oh wow. Oh, they’re all super weak! Yeah, but they all suck! Yeah, baby. Oh, he can kill them as well. Oh, I’ll clear our path, all right. Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. Oh, big daddy going to town. *laughs* Look at this! Ohhh, that was awesome!! *singing* Just keep stabbing, just keep stabbing, stabbing– Yes! I can’t even see what’s going on; I’m just swinging for the fences. Nice!!! That was awesome! That makes you feel like a badass. Uh-oh. B O Y! OHH God. Of war. Sure is. Did we fix it? Nice. What? Are you goin’ in, Kratos? *laughs* Aww. Ow. Oh yeah, ’cause he needs the Bifrost. Oh yeah, there we go. Uh-oh. This is where John Snow went when he died. Faye? There’s no secrets and stuff, is there? Am I dead? Aww. But he loves you, boy. Lead me on. Least now Kratos can hear what’s actually happening. Oh, we’re at my house. Oh, is she going to be inside? Yeah, I’m dead. Hey, Thor. What’s going on, buddy? Aww. I hope you guys get your– your lovely moment at the end. Oh, fish! Hey, fish! Ooo, climb. Aw, that’s lovely. This is where I showed up at the door and the scary music played. So what is the light of Alfheim, then? Is it carrying souls or something? Holy shit. Damn. So that’s what she meant; “Don’t get caught up in the…” something. Got my axe back. Yeah, but now I have the light of Alfheim. Nice. “You have acquired Light Arrows. Shoot them at Light Crystals to infuse them with the Alfheim Light.” *starts to re-read it* Oh, same thing. Picture changed. *laughs* Nice. So do I just have Light Arrows now? Neat. Okay, so that’s what I do with all these blue crystals that have been lying around. I get it. Not for long, it’s not. Thank– Thank you, thank you– appreciate it. Um… Oh, that’s what these things were; I can put light crystals in them. Ooo, I see a chest up there. You know your boy wants those chests. (-Jacksepticeye, 2018) Cool… I think that’s the way forward though over there. What’s behind the chest? Don’t just be Hacksilver. Yesss. “Fragmented Heart of Alfheim.” Oh yeah, I didn’t equip these. I don’t think– Oh, I don’t really have… …many sockets, anyway. “Symbol of Truth.” Increases my Strength and Runic by three… Or Runic by four, and… Okay yeah, this one. Ohhh, that’s what these were. Okay, I get it. *reads Weaken Potency description* I can use you on enemies too…? *reads Light Potency I description* Yes’m please’m. Atreus, you’re gonna be useful! I mean– B O Y, you’ve always been useful. *sarcastically* You’ve always been useful and not a burden at all. Okay, let’s make a light bridge happen. Okay, now just– Okay. Wait, do I have to go back to get up there? Oh no, I can just go up top. Come on, B O Y. Gonna be a fight? There’s always gonna be a fight. Whappa! Nice! Two in one. Aw, almost. Hell yeah! Look how strong you’ve become! My son, my beautiful boy! *Jack is proud father* *imitates sound effect* Okay, you grow back. Where is the second one? Ah, I see ya. What’d I get? Ooo, a chest-eroo! A chest for me. 693, my god… That’s a lot of mons, hons. Can I just do that as much as I want? I guess so. Okay, there was a– *imitates Dark Elf* Alright, hit him in the head; Then you get this one. Ah, they explode as well! And they should do more damage to these guys ’cause these guys are Dark Elves, right? Hit him in the head; Hit him in the head; And get that one. And then– *laughs* Nice! *laughs again* It’s super fun! Ahh, okay. And, SPADOOSH!! *chuckles* There you go. Yes, let us… *chuckles* Lettuce and cabbage– Lettooceh, lettooceh, let-too-ceh. Cabboogeh, cabboogeh, cab-boo-geh. (Now available on iTunes.) (…) (jk.) So pretty up there now, it’s not all red anymore. *imitates Dark Elf* That’s so much fun to do. Ow. I probably should be using my boy more. Bye! He’s not dead, though. Get’em. Get’em. GEt HiM. That’s fun. Wait, did the other guy actually die? But he only fell down there. I know I have skills to upgrade. But not yet, ’cause I need to upgrade my other stuff. Actually, what I want to upgrade is… the– no not the Tempest, the Anvil. Can I? I need 1,000. Okay. When I have 1,000, remind me. (Okay!) I’ll forget, but remind me. (Sure thing, Jack :D) Still have to fight golden horns. Wherever he is. Assuming he’s gonna be the last thing I do before I leave here. *imitates Dark Elf* You guys kinda remind me of something from, like, Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor or somethin’. Which, I guess, makes sense. Yes!! Thought you said that did massimum– maximum damage or massive damage or something like that. Thanks, boy! ‘Preciate ya. Ooh, another one. “Strike of the Utgard.” *reads description* Ooh-hoo-hoo. That’s kinda the same as the Tempest one, though. Hmm. And the Tempest one might be really handy later on, because you can hold it down and then spin for a lot longer. Uhm… What? Oh. Ohh. Ahh. Ahhhhhh. Taking it here, B O Y. Then we can read this. What’s it say? *Yondu voice* Come on, talk to your daddy. “From the light we are born, and to light we return. The light is the river of souls–” Ah, it is. “Transforming us, consuming us, transcending life and death. The light is the truth, the light is all.” “OKAY!” *giggles* “The light sounds great, but maybe it also makes you crazy?” I mean, most stuff like that– yeah, that’s usually the– the trope. Ha. Don’t you worry. I, have a brain. Just gonna take my big rock friend here. Kratos, you can move faster with that. Let’s face it. *le giggle* I love their relationship, it’s so fun. By the time you’re watching this now, as well, the whole game will be out. So now everybody can play it. Or at least, everybody has the ability to be able to play it. Still need to buy it. *chuckles* You still need to, B O Y, it. See what I did? Good joke. (Good job, Jack :D) *disturbing bird noise* I haven’t seen any Odin’s Ravens around for a while, actually. Is- is that what I’m hearing? Now that I think about it? Ooo. Okay, there’s one; I did not mean to fall. No, because I need to be up there to hit this thing. God, he has no patience. Well, I mean, why would he? He’s a child, not a doctor. Okay, don’t fall this time; Stay here aand– throw! You see what I do, boy? You see what I do? Here’s the thing. *laughs* Okay, there’s the last one. Oh wait, I shouldn’t do it like that; I should just stay in here. Can I throw out that way? Oh, I can’t see that one from there. If you threw with your other hand, I would. Oh wait, I can see all the way– Ohhhh. Nifty! I keep forgetting that I have a quick turn. That would just make things so much handier. Why don’t I just do that? I said to everybody screaming at me at home. Apple. aPpLe. APPLE! Okay, Blood Mead’s good too :l Whee! B O Y. Don’t MAKE me hurt you. How could I hurt you? You’re my precious. You’re my cinnamon apple. Wait, what’s up here? Yeah, climb in that rat hole. Oh, there you go. Why are ya giving me all the sassafras, man? What did I do? Not liking your tone, boy. Oh, into the Chamber of Secrets again. Hi. They all the people from Journey? You’re welcome. *chuckles* Woow, it’s so pretty now. Oh, look at them all on the sides. They’re all gonna cross the light bridges. You know, for a nation of people who were about to be killed… …you’re not very happy about me saving you, are you? Now do I have to fight you? Me, too. Alrighty-roo. Yup. Yeah, shut your boy-hole. *laughs* It’s so– it’s so awesome to listen to them interact with each other. Are these– …prisons all gonna be open now? Yepp. Oh, dey are open now. Dat mean I’m gonna die. Ooo, chest! Nice. That a lotta Hack. Booooooooyyyyyyyyyy. Is there any secrets that I am forgetting though? That’s the quest-ough. And also this. You see, boy? Now I’m all full of rAgE. Now I can defeat my enemies with my strength and my good looks. Let’s face it; Kratos: he’s a handsome man. *w0o spOopy* See? Who– *chuckles* Who would have thought that Kratos would be the force of optimism and positivity that he is now? He’s like, “There’s light. You can do it.” Ohhhh, god. Oh, witch. Damn, did I miss? Can’t hit them until they’re like that. Nice. Oh, you think just ’cause you’re ethereal and you’re a witch that you can just do whatever you want, huh? Well, now you’re dead. So how does that feel? *laughs* Oh my god, I feel like I’m on Jerry Springer or something. Use your eyes, boy; Adapt. Meanwhile, I won’t; I’ll just use my… eyesight, like always. Oh, hey. Oh, that was awesome. Okay. I need a crystal– crri-stahl– Hopefully there’s one on the other side. What is his dealio, man? Oh, yes. Maximum damns!! Dude!!!! We messed him up! Thank you, Atreus. You know, you’re a good boy. The hell? Okay. I need a Light Crystal but… …where do I get it? Sure. Cool. (x7) Not seeing one– Oh wait, unless it was one hanging in here ’cause the light barriers are up; Like the door we did before! The door before the God of War. There it is. So I didn’t see it on the way in. I thought you didn’t give it to me. Oh hey! Sorry. Gonna have to do this and then this one. Aw, that didn’t even hit these guys. What’s the point of having it? You sons ‘o bitches! Hacksilver, please. Or a Spoil of War. That’s cool. *laughs* We have not been standing here a while. Okay. Okay. Okay. There we go. *laughs* At least it was worth it in the end! Good, Kratos. Don’t– don’t succumb to his belittling; Be positive; be optimistic. That’s my boy, Kray-Kray. He may be cray-cray, but he sure is nice. Such a change of pace from the, “I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!” Kratos from before. You know the whole, “I BRING THE DESTRUCTION OF OLYMPUS!!!” Then why do I have to keep telling you? Oh, that’s… the way forward then, right? I don’t want the way forward; I want the way treasures. Don’t– Don’t say– Don’t say anything, okay? This is between me and Kratos and the crystal. I don’t want to hear the, “But go back that way, but we’ve been standing around, or what,” B O Y. From now on, all of you at home, you’re going to be known as B O Y, as well. ‘Cause I like saying it, and… …technically, I’m– I’m the dad of this entire thing that’s happening right now. (-Jacksepticeye, 2018) Okay, what? I need a Bluetooth, an F– –uh, a different F, and a backwards three. Okay… That’s not one. That’s not one. That is. Oh, am I being timed? Oh, I don’t like that. Oh wait, I got it. (x3) That was it. (x5) Aww, man!! Is that any of them? That’s one of them. That’s another one. That’s another one! Yeah, baby! Got it! Please be something good. Please be something good. Oooo, a new bike! Beard oil. Ooo, Spaulders. *reads description* That has a LOT of Runic– and Defense– but minus 14 Strength? Not worth it. Not worth it. It only brings up Defense by 3 as well, so it’s basically- -favoring the magic attacks more so than your regular physical attacks– and I like my regular physical attacks more ’cause I use them more often. They’re not dependent on cooldowns. And I got Soft Svartlfheim Steel. That’s good. Kratos, you’re a god, can we… Pick it up a small bit? *laughs* *imitating Kratos* Yes, we can but not before…you… *thinks of something cool to say* make amends, *awkward pause* Boy. Yeah, taught him. (Ya did it! :D) I like how you have to lock it in, as well. Like you can’t just sit it down, you have to lock it in and make sure it’s in place. How do I get up to that? That’s a question. Plus, I don’t know if I want to fully leave yet. Ahhhhhh. Neat! Forearm Bracers. *reads description* But again, it brings down my Strength. ‘Cause these have 10 Strength. Appreciate it though. Wait, wasn’t there a bunch more stuff back in the other area that I didn’t get? A bunch of chests and everything? Hmm. Ah, seven monies. Okay, to the bowl, boy! AHH, god. Not this guy again. Do we finally get to fight? Ohh, yes! Here we go! Ha ha! Get ‘im, boy! Uh-oh. Yes, got ‘im. *adorable evil laugh* How do you feel about that, huh? Or this? WOOOOA!! Get rocked, son! Okay, come back. Okay, (x4) come back. Nice. Oh god, it’s all dark. Oh god. Nani what? Nani the fuck? Oh, where’s my frickin’ axe? Thought I didn’t have it. Okay, do this; Hey, I can see again! Get’im! (x5) Yes! Crap. He leaves little things on the ground after he disappears; That’s annoying. Okay, can’t block that. God, you suck, dude. Oh, that was awesome. Except I fucked up my axe throw. I’m doing good. Oh, that’s not health. That’s not health! That’s not health, even a little! YEAH– Oh, that did a lot of damage, I like that. Atreus is actually doing decent damage to this guy. I need health. HO HO, BABY! BACK IN THE GAME! Stop doing that one; That one sucks. Uh-oh. Still got’im. Uh-oh. Oh, no ya don’t. Dude!! We messed him up! What did you call me?!? “Etched Crest of Shadows.” “Runic Summon.” OOOO! *reads description excitedly* That’s something for my boy! Something for my B O Y. Aww, look at it go! That’s awesome! Do it! *laughs* Ohhh, drag him, Atreus! Oh, that’s broken. Can you do the wolf? Okay, do this. There’s the wolf! Okay, I guess you need enemies around for it to look cool. I don’t want to leave yet, though. I just want you guys to get along. Also, that’s a fake platform! That’s moving, but I’m not! (#fakenews) I want to go back and get all the treasures, though! I think I’m missing a lot of them. Okay, Imma do that. Okay, he… doesn’t even let me go back in. *sings* On the boat again. Yeah, I can’t wait to get on the boat again. (also available on iTunes) Aww. Those little moments are really nice; I like that. Where you kind of get a peek behind what Kratos is actually thinking. And those little moments where they get to bond together. And there absolutely is more in this realm and I wanted to do it, but… I wasn’t allowed to go back in. But… I’m sure we’ll have time to come back later. Hey, Sindri. Hey, frogs! Did he just kill a frog?! But he walked into me! Walking over the frogs kills them! That’s horrible! Also, I got a mission from Sindri. He wants me to go to some Fafnir storeroom to collect a whetstone to be able to make some cool weapons for me. Wait, what? Oh, this way. I thought it was over the other way. Ooo, I missed you, big boy! I like that he stabs the middle of the head. Oh, sick! Oh. Look at you guys getting along. Aww, it’s so adorable! So the boy has gifts. Wonder if his mom was, like, a witch of the woods. *gasps* What if it IS the Witch in the Woods?!?! *laughs* That doesn’t make any sense, but, *laughs* it’s just funny where my mind went. I wonder if his mom was LIKE a witch in the woods; Like she was part of nature, or she was something like that– Is there any, like, God of Nature, in Norse mythology? Hey, Brock’s not here. Whoosh. ‘Cause clearly the boy has some sort of gift that Kratos doesn’t. Well done. You solved it. That’s a cool sound. “Return to the mountain.” That was handy. Thank you, tree! Wow… *weird voice* Thas beootiful. Is Brock gonna be in here? Yeah. Tink tink! 😀 *chuckles* He made it super shiny nice. *laughs* Whoa. “The Mark of the Dwarves.” Which looked like it had a runic symbol on it, so. You want a favor too?! “Mebbe.” Thank– you didn’t give me anything, but thanks. Okay, so are these– So these are side missions, then. Cool. Aww, that’s nice. It actually gives me– Or it actually lets you know that… …there’s more to do. God, look how mean Kratos is; His character model is so awesome. Smile every once in a while, Kratos. I don’t think we’ll ever actually get a smile out of him. Um, Goals.. Okay. “Fafnir’s Hoard,” or the “Volunder Mines.” *reads Second Hand Soul mission* I get a rare talisman out of that or a rare pommel. Let’s do the pommel. Okay, where do I actually go? Over that way. Okay, got it. Side missions! Neat-o, burrito! Oh, I haven’t been down here yet. Shipheads. Oh, you can do this thing now. Ah, there is a point of being down here. Hacksilver! Don’t mind if I do! I like Sindri more than Brock; Brock’s funny but… Sindri’s hilarious. Ummm, nope. I saw it as well. That was like a ghost tower. What’s goin’ on? Oh, into the ice. She was a beautiful fighter. Oh– I see a raven. Oh, I can fast travel here. Sweet. Coby!! Did you just act like I hit it? Like giving me, like, a little– You’re giving me little tinks! But you wouldn’t let me hit it. Maybe the handle of my ax was hitting it. Take that, pots! Okay, where am I going? Right, where are we going? We’ve had one breakfast, yes? Ooo, secret dirt pile. 620. Almost 420. Which is when the game actually releases: 4/20. Ooo. Almost missed that. What’s the lore say? “Through this path lies the Mines of Moria. This great endeavor was made possible by Andvari the Alchemist, son of Ivaldi.” Is that the– The– The slam down attack I had? Something of Ivaldi? *reads the rest of Andvari’s Invention* Can I ask a question? Where are all the people? Are there just no– Ivaldi’s Anvil… Yeah! And I can upgrade it now. *reads Lvl. 2 description* Got it. Like, shouldn’t there be people in Midgard? That is where the humans live, isn’t it? Asgard is the place of the gods; I guess gods are everywhere in here. I don’t know; My Norse mythology is rough. It’s also partially non-existent. How? How are you guys here? How are you here? *laughs* *laughs* Okay, he’s funny. But how are they gettin’ around everywhere? Oh. I love that Kratos doesn’t care. Technically, I’m still doing it anyway, but he’s like, “I’m just gathering resources.” Fuck the wall. Oh, shouldn’t have done that. Like that. Oh, he’s a nice boy. Hmm. We’re gonna have to fight him after, aren’t we? He just looks like one of the Ancients. The ones I fought in the Elf place. Maybe they’re the same thing. I dunno. He had a big glowy chest like those, anyway. My favorite type of silver: *gags violently*–silver. Yes, but Nightmare in front of me. Aw man, it didn’t follow them. Wait, did that Nightmare go into him? (Kinky.) Ah, double attack. Nice. Nice. Oh, I didn’t even mean to hit him, but I got him anyway. Hell yeah, my boy! He’s complimenting him!!! Always an excuse, Kratos. Take that, ya damn rocks. I hate rocks. Okay. You were actually in front of me while you said that, but– I appreciate your enthusiasm, boy. So you don’t get frozen… Hey! You didn’t get stunned, either. I hate these assholes. Oh, wait! I have a wolf! Yes!! Ow, poison. That wolf felt kinda useless. Ow! Stop it! I should be dodging. I thought that was supposed to stun them. Good for you. That stupid shit follows you. Take that. Took a lot more damage than I should’ve, though. That sucks. But we got out of it in the end, and that’s what counts. Ohhh…special door. What kinda chest is that, though? *Papyrus voice?* Helloo? I almost missed you. Come, boy. Not likely. See that, boy? See what I do? See how strong I am? That’s the power of Dad! Treasure map? “The troll who killed my kin is slain.” “But the battle has taken its toll.” “I’ve buried whatever I have left near his corpse.” “Ingrid and I used to frequent this beach to watch the sun rise over the temple.” There’s actual treasure hunts that you can do in this game?? That doesn’t even sound like here- it sounds like a different location. Okay. I’ll be on the lookout for a beach with a dead guy on it. Should be easy to find. *small laugh* That was a waste, but that was fun. I love doin’ that in games. I love… …Smashing a whole bunch of stuff at once. It’s so satisfying. (O_O) (-Jacksepticeye, 2018) One of the seals… BAyBEeEh! That’s another seal. …Any other seals anywhere? *adorable seal noises* Different type of seal! (But nooooo…..) (That was so adorable…) (;-;) What? You just doing your own Wilson impression? “Wow!” ‘Kay. The… The Soul Eater is through there. I don’t wanna go in there. Unless some of the… …Urn things are in there. Which they very much could be. I dunno if they’re all gonna be around in this area… I keep thinking that’s them. Oh, wait, there’s one over there! (Good job!) There we go. Where be da last one? Hello? I vould like to destroy the last one. Oh, there’s a thing all the way over there. Almost. Watch this! *fails* Al-almost again. Watch this! *keeps failing* WHUH! *third time is not the charm* That should be hitting that… *Axe uses Nope card* Are you serious?? And then it goes way too low. Well, fine, I’ll get closer then. Oh, you’ll drop now, won’t ‘cha? Ya pizza chip! Okay, this other thing has to be in here somewhere. I don’t think it would be in a separate room. Just gotta keep my eyes peeled… Have I gone past it already? (Probably) Feel like I might have… It’s just, when you’re actually playing the game, your eyes are focused elsewhere– –And when you’re watching it, You can kinda let your eyes relax, And, You notice things in the environment a lot easier. I used to do that with my friend when I was younger, I used to think he was stupid for playing games and not… …Recognizing things, and then when he would come over to my house, He would do the exact same thing, and that’s the first time I realized, Oh, wait– Maybe you can’t see everything when you’re playing it at the time. Okay, whatever, we’re going out to fight the… …The Death Eater. (Yep, that’s what it’s called.) I’m sure I’ll be able to come back… …Through here and find that piece. Oh, wait– It’s right fuckin’ there! (Doy) *sigh* How convenient. Yes. *laughs* I love that! All this time, he was the one who didn’t want to fight it, Saying it wasn’t part of their fight, and then… As soon as Atreus is scared of it, he’s like, we’re gonna fight it. Of course we’re gonna fight it. Oh goddammit, he possessed him. Go, wolf! Nice! Combo attack. I like it! NAAHUH! Aw, man. Stop! I was locked on to something. I’m still locked on to something. NYAGH! Got him. Can you kill the nightmares? I think the nightmares healed them. Go, boy. I’m just swinging through defenses all the time. I would like a healing stone! 😀 Thank you son! (Jack is such a proud father) And I’m saying, like, as my son, not thank you S O N. I ain’t even afraid. Okay, I need to heal up. What’s through door number secrets?! Oh! This is the way I had to go. I thought it was a… *chuckles* It was a secret location. Here we go boy. Hope you’re ready. Stay quiet while I fling this axe at ‘im. ‘Kay, that didn’t do anything. Okay, I got the balls! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (-Jacksepticeye, 2018) Can I just keep doing that? Seems to do a lot of damage, oH this is so much damage! HUH! Punch his heart! Punch him right in the dick! (He can punch where he likes. Kratos did get the balls, so clearly he know what he’s dong- I mean, doing.) He’s at almost half health already. I can’t use my… I can’t use my Spartan rage on this guy… Ah, I missed– Which is kind of annoying. Is there any health in here? Think that’s what the idea of these guys is. Oh, never mind. I thought he was gonna drop health. Whoopsies! When! When! When! I know, you piece of shit! Please be the end, please be the end, yes! Get ’em! Get ’em Kratos! Fuck ’em up! (Get the balls?) Really?! That was so the end, but you didn’t give it to me! It’s okay, I get health back for doing this. When you’re in Spartan rage, you get lots of health back. O0oh God. (Of War!) Okay, show me that belly! Show me that belly! I thought I broke him! *laughs* I got ’em, he’s dead. I’m about to die if I’m not careful. Oh God that almost killed me! *releaf* Ooh! Burn resistance! Awwh! 😀 It sure is. Yeah. Wait, did I get an Ancient’s Heart or Ancient’s Rubble out of that? “Fury of the Ice Troll: A quick radial shockwave attack that slows enemies and sends them flying back.” OOH! That’s a good one! Yeah, I want that one! I have 4887. Can I upgrade this one again? Yess! Fully maxed out on Ivaldi’s Anvil! That’s a good attack, that’s my favorite attack, I like that one a lot, it does a lot of damage. Maybe that’s what I should’ve been doing. Did you drop health? ‘Cause even after finishing the fight, the game still doesn’t give you health. Like it doesn’t just fill up your health and be like: “Ah, you’re done now, you can have all your health back now.” Which is kind of cool. I like that it doesn’t, like, baby you or hold your hand or anything like that. ‘Cause in the old God of War Games it was a lot easier to get health back. In this one it’s like– Even on regular difficulty, it’s kind of like, “Eh.” “You need to be good at the combat or else you’re gonna die!” So there’s like, the– the combat’s a lot meatier. It feels like there’s a lot more… …Weight behind it, but there’s a lot more reason and purpose behind it. What does it say? *pronounces what was written in runes incorrectly* “If this was a message from Andvari, what does it mean? Is it something about the ring we found on his hand? Let’s ask Brok.” *pronounces it correctly* Sorry, I’m not Nordic. (Me either xD) I love his reasoning. He’s never wrong. (Typical parents.) Oh hey dudes! Oh, let’s use this! Holy hell! Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Send out the wolf! Okay, I pressed the button to send out the wolf… That works! Didn’t even have to do anything on that one. Still badly need health though. *Gags weirdly* silver! Good, glad I got more. Are you gonna lead me to a secrets? Or you just leading me back to the same area. Secrets… always secrets! Secrets for Jack! Oh, please tell me I get to ride that. Oh, yeah, I get to ride the zipline again. Hold on Trey-Trey! I would love to hear Kratos just go: *deep Kratos voice* Wee. *giggles* like he was having fun, but he didn’t want to have fun. C’mon Kratos, crack a smile. Have a beer! Hwuh! Yeesss! YESSS! *Atacc!* Holy hell that attack is good! I like it a lot.>:3 Hacksilver? Hell yeah. Oh, we’re back at the start. Neato burrito! Let’s go back and get our reward from the blue one. And health from this one. That’s also really cool that the health stays around, so going in you’re like, well, Why would I need health going in, I’m at full health already? But then you realize, oh That’s for when I come back out cuz I’m weak. Excuse me? Grip of Volunder. Okay, brings up six defense and six strength. Hell yeah, it’s also level three, holy crap. Nice. Oh God, I have 4K? Oh, cuz I just finished the mission. Okay, let’s upgrade this. Ooh, so close to upgrading it again. “Holding R1 changes up the attack, increasing it’s range.” I’m into that. I’ll fuck with that. (Watch out, Wattpad, you’ll have a whole new category soon.) “Precision throw combo now creates massive explosion on impact.” Yes please, ’cause those are really really handy. Aaand that’s all I can get right now. Oh, look at that… *laughs* Oh Atreus, you’re awesome. Umm– That gives me a LOT of Defense, but it does bring down my Strength a lot, and I value my Strength. I value my Health and Defense as well, But… I don’t just want straight Defense– that, and I don’t want that. I don’t want Kratos covered in armor. It looks weird. Hmm… Oooh… Metal Plated Waist Guard: Brings up 6 and 14. Ohhh, that one, I really want that one! I didn’t get Ancient stuff– Oh, cuz it wasn’t an Ancient, it was a Soul Eater, I forgot. All I need is Hacksilver for this one though… Ah, that does bring everything up. Yes, please! Okay, I can’t get the rest of it ’cause I don’t have enough. Unless I sell… ooh, you got new stuff. Oooh! Whatever I got him the- the ring must have helped him create new stuff. This is the one I want. “Increases health stone potency.” So not only is he able to get me health stones still, but he’ll get me better ones. Soft Svartalheim Steel I’ll need for that one. Grip of Vilander. Valen der. Did I not just… get that? Or did I get the ability to craft it? Cuz that- that… Shuttup. That kinda sucks if I just got the ability to craft it. Okay– take it off this socket so I can put it on this. What was the one I just had on? Perseverance– Defense plus 2. That sucks. Strengthen Runic plus 3? Yeah. Ooh wait, high perk activation chance to grant a blessing a runic. Nah, I want this one. That brings up Runic by four. I do like stuff that brings up my Runic. Strengthen Runic so I can do maximum damage on my attacks. Let’s see if I can sell some stuff. Nooo. Sell, please. Yep, I’m never equipping those. Nice. I’m getting a lot of armor back- er, a lot of money back. Artifacts. Yes! I should be able to afford a bunch more stuff now. Ummm… These ones I’m not going to equip, so I’m just gonna sell them because I want the dust and stuff out of them. WRONG BUTTON 🙂 Craft wrist armor. *creepy voice* Yes Ohh, they look cool as well! It’s rare that you’re actually able to just craft stuff out of just money. Normally you have to actually… …have some materials for them as well, like the belt of the Ancients, so I’ll craft that when I’m able to. Shuttup. Oh, I thought I just sold the ones that I made. That woulda sucked! Sorry that I’m doing all this stuff here. Oh, you’ve no sockets on you, though. Whatever. Moving on! Let’s go Trey- Trey. God… it’s a long way out. Kratos, you’re looking badass now, I like that armor! *mimicking* B O Y *laughs* God, it’s such a meme! Boys will be B O Y S. Du duta-de du-deta de-du-de B O Y. *laughing* Du duta-de du-deta *le giggle* You can do so much with it. …Should we do? Umm… Sindri’s one as well? I think so. Weren’t you told me when you were a boy there was a man. Are you Obama? Can’t say he has. Wow, look at the scales! That is so goddamn cool! *rudely interrupts* Good stories. Good story, but also, HoLy CrAp look at that! That’s so awesome– I love that he’s just there. He’s just hanging out. He’s just a part of the world. It’s so cool! 😀 Anyway, moving on. We’re going to do… …Sindri’s… …task. “Fafnir’s Ravine.” I hear breathing. *breathes into mic* (Thanks Jack) “Fafnir’s Storeroom.” I hear another bird. Yeaah, you. Nice! How many do I have now? How many birds have I destroyed? Nine! Okay. I just need six more and I think I get something. Damn Kratos, I mean, like, lighten up! A little curiosity didn’t kill no one! Well except the cat, but… I mean, fuck that cat! Cat had it coming to him. If your curiosity is playing in traffic then yeah, maybe bad things are gonna happen. Haha, got it. How convenient that we have this now. Sindri gonna be here? Of course he is. Why can’t– no! We just got here. Why can’t you do any of this? Stupid dwarves! I..hear a thing. Yeaah, I knew it. Okay– practice throw, practice throw. Yes! That–that wasn’t a practice throw, all the ones before that were practice throws, Except the one that hit it– that was the real one.
(Sure, Jack. I’ll let you have that.) Oh, I did get it. Shut up, B O Y. We’re getting Hacksilver. We’re getting rich! We don’t even need the dwarf’s shit, we can just… Knock down pots and get a lot of money and then live like kings. (Like in Zelda!) But I guess your mother’s ashes and all that stuff– whatever. I love that it hits stuff on the way back–
Woow, pretty. There’s a lot of ravens over here. God, that’s three in the space of, like, two minutes. Of course they did… A poor man’s Draugr– that’s all it is. Ahaha! (Oh, it’s the “incoming song laugh!”) I am special,
You are not,
I’m gonna kill you… BeGoNe ThOt *laughs* WOOHOOHOO! Hoe, hoe, hoe, it’s MaGiC!! Screw yOoOuu… Okay, he’s dead, boy. Ow, I’m getting hit by everything! ‘Kay, hit the Nightmare… WHAOH! Nice… MMHUH! Really like that explosive attack, that’s very, very handy. ‘Cause you can sit back and throw your axe at them all day, But if you’re not actually doing enough damage to them then what’s the point, you know? Oh. There’s another Raven!! Ah, only need three more! Just burn the boy to death. *chuckles* Um, okay, I see an urn thingy. Oh, there’s two. Where’s the third bell? Oh, Bellamy! Campfire? Oh wait, it’s up there. Whuh! Oh, it’s– I pulled it back before I hit the bell. Now, two… And a…three! I’m getting pretty good at that guys! What you got me– Apple or Mead? Meeead. Just need one more of those bad boys. There’s so much in this little area, I love it! That’s all the extra money I’m getting… I don’t know if it’s even worth destroying this, I just like destroying it. It gives you like ten, twelve, seventeen Hacksilver. Svartalfartlfheim Steel is the stuff that I want. There’s also a way behind the waterfall. Is this the way forward here? How do you know it’s locked? You didn’t even try! Plus, you’re a god! Just… kick the door down. I guess this is the way forward then. *Kratos voice* Atreus, to me. Aww, this guy’s just hanging out, checkin’ out his fire, he’s like, “I like my fire.” “I’m gonna stay at my– stare at my fire all day. It’s a nice one.” Also, apologies if sometimes these videos are slightly out of sync… Because– recording an episode for this long on a capture card means that it’s a… It’s an uneven frame rate so it records at a different frame rate. It’s not constant. Which is kind of annoying, ’cause sometimes that causes drift. So if you’re noticing any of that, that’s why. So sometimes I’m like– It’s another bird. Fuck yeah. Sometimes I’m reacting to stuff before or after it actually happens. Like, way after it happens. Well, this is helpful. Another map! Neateroo! “My journey will be long and I can only carry the essentials.” “I leave my possessions under the watchful eyes of the face of stone until I return.” Oh, I was just past that! Unless you mean… Where the… like, the black smoke is. Or was it the face I saw in the wall a little bit ago? Aww, they probably did. It’s not gonna be that easy. Hit the pot! Okay, he’s mad, oh he is mad, mad news bears. Eeeugh! Eee ugh! Eee ugh! Eee ugh! Nraaa! Motherfucker! These guys are level four. Oh, crap This might be bad for me. Oh, you had an R3 on you too! Dammit! These guys are all covered in fire. So I’m assuming that my axe is going to do a lot more to them. Nice one, boy. Haha! Shit, he actually broke my guard not the other way around. (Derp) *sound of atacc* Thank you. Thank you. That’s what I wanted to do. *laughs* You got another Entry Stone. “Keep your expectations low and you will never be disappointed.” *laughs* I mean, he’s not wrong. How did you know my secret to life? (What happened to optimism, Jack?) Did you say enemy down? “Lakewood down!” (????) “Roger Roger.” That’s what he said, man. ‘Kay, where’s this one going? Oh, behind me! Oh, I have to do this four times, don’t I. There’s four doors. Aww, man. I have to fight you in the middle of that crap? Oh my god, you’re Level 5. It’s okay! It’s okay! We’re not always ready for the things that we need to do. Okay, now fire your wolves! There you go. Ohhh, can’t block that! Blocked. Dammit! Okay… Atreus! Trey-Trey! (Clean your room, young man!) Yeah, come out of the fucking shadows and fight. Asshole! Ow, ow, ow, okay, don’t… Shit, he’s getting healed. He’s not healing now. Ow, crap! *imitating Trey-Trey* Ready! Stop healing, you sack of shit! (Ewww sounds smelly) Oh my God he never fucking stops, oh my god, oh no! I went into the poison and- oh my Resurrection Stone! Nice! I’ve-I’ve never had to use one of those before– Oh my god he’s back up to full health (O_O) No no no NOOO My first death… I hit the wrong button xD (Oh my god…) *adorable angry Jack* Okay, okay, okay. (You are filled with DETERMINATION.) OHkay. I’m ready for this. I’m ready for it this time! Bring it on! …Biatch! *rarw* Lot of damage. Liking it, liking it. Ready to donut? Is that what you said? (DONUT?! WHERE?!) (*rabies* GIMME DONUT) (*unintelligible screams and chainsaw noises*) Stop tryna heal. (Dooonuuuttt *salivates*) (*clears throat* Okay, we’re good.) ‘Kay. This guy’s tough. Ohh, god, I’m in the poison again. AAAA god. I know but I’m trying to get in the attacks when I can. And he’s full health again. Okay, kill that guy. God, he exploded as well– YOU’RE STILL ALIVE TOO?! Where did you come back out of?! Oh, god. Oh, can somebody drop health please? Thanks! Oh, I got exactly what I wanted. Pick up the entry stone and just leave. Okay, do you derive power from that or anything? Are you, like, somehow a lot easier now that I’ve destroyed that? Ah, he was trying to heal. I just did. Okay, as long as you’re dealing with the attacks, that’s fine. *giggles* STOP TRYNA HEAL you SACK of TITS. YEeESS ATREUS! *happy Jack-ness* That’s my boy! *very proud father* (He’s like the dad of the kid who won the spelling bee, just with murdering fictional creatures. Same thing though, really.) I highly doubt they did. It just seemed hell-bent on killing me all the time. Okay, that was one of the more tough ones– I can’t believe I died! Silly Jack, you’re not supposed to die! You’re supposed to be awesome. Really, because there’s another door and then there’s another door and then there’s clearly a forward path so… Um– I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I’m not trying to put a damper on your parade. I’m not trying to sprinkle your fire– But it’s highly unlikely that’s gonna be in here. See? It’s just one of these assholes. That’s good, right? Uh-oh. There’s two of them. These guys are annoying because I have to hit them with Atreus before I can do anything to them. Okay, we got this… Ah crap, let’s get my sprint on. Nice! Pucker up, Trey-Trey. (?) Nice one! These old hags ain’t shit. (Uhm, excuse me, I’m still in my fifties. Watch your tone young man.) “Mm-hmm.” He’s just like a sassy– sassy lady going, “Mm-hmm!” (Like, “Gurl I told you she ain’t his cousin!”) What about the next one, Trey-Trey? You feeling good about that? (Mm-hmm.) Really, man?
(You broke my heart and that’s all you say to me?) You’re gonna do this to me right now? (MM-HMM) In front of my son? (YES BITCH WE BOTH KNOW SHE AIN’T YOUR COUSIN) Didn’t think so. How about you sit down? *le giggle* Yeah, that’s confusing, Kratos. Ooh, dogs! I have my own wolf now. Don’t need you. Yehess. Oh. My. God. REKT! Oh, oh, oh, oH Go, other wolf! *Jack such fite* That went extraordinarily well. Okay, whatever about Kratos’ pessimism before– Oh my god Please don’t tell me there was a chest and every single other room and I missed it. There wasn’t, right? Soft Svartalfeim Steel, that’s what I needed to unlock or upgrade one of my items. Okay, here we go, boy. *sarcastic* This one looks different, huh? (Mm-hmm) Hoo! Wyoo! The dodging and everything in this is very, like, Bloodborne Dark Souls– And also, this is so much a fighting area. Kill the bird. Oh, no, kill the frog! Awh no! I killed all the animals. What is this? Oooh, another attack! “Wrath of the frost Ancient: A powerful ice beam?” Whoa! Duuuuuuude!! Ah, I like this one though. That’s badass!! You just stick down an ice beam and briiiiiiing! That may come in handy against bosses, actually. What? Oh, hi. *laughs* Is that a whetstone? Oh, god… *foreign language* Well then. Know what I’m doing. Punchin’ things in the knees! Here we go. Attaboy, Kratos. Attaboy. Attaboy! *Jack is once again a proud father* *eeviiil laughter* Oh, the pain train is comin’! w00t w00!! W00T W00T!! You are not doing as much damage as I would hope. Oagh. Eugh. *exasperated father* I’m trying, I’m trying. (Kids, am I right?) Okay. Let’s do this again, shall we? EEH! PWUH! I like that attack! I’m watchin’. Oww. Jesus Christ, calm down man. Yeahhh, it is! Double headshots, that’s why. Now I have nothin’ to fight. Just punching him for the sake of punching him. (Creature: Plis stahp) I am doing damage though, so that’s good. There we go. That didn’t kill you? Awww, what a lame way to go out. Not at all. How would we be goners? You have your dad protecting you, B O Y. ‘Kay, there was a bunch of other shit over here. Ohhh, I thought it disappeared! That would have suuuucked. Lots of great items. So now I get another side mission after… …in the middle of a side mission? So many side missions… That’s fine though. I can do it. For I am the dad of B O Y. How did I get up there? Oh, that’s how I got in. Oh, shit. Yeah, the joke here is that Kratos killed his dad– Like, like, MEGA killed him, and it was Zeus, so he killed everyone, basically. Hi.=) Oh– I was gonna say, “Wait- he’s not attacking?” I see it. I’m hitting it. And I keep hitting it. Ooh, extra damage! Niiice! Didn’t realize I could do that! Get ‘im! Get ‘im! Damn, I messed his shit! Ohh, that was cool; Atreus went into the air as well. Okay, I’m hurtin’! Oh, come on, dude! C’mon, dude! You suck! Fine! *angry teenager activated* (ThEy SaId aLL–) Oh, this actually does damage! Duuude! Ow. I… REKT him! Do I get a Heart of the Ancient? Yes! And five more rubble– okay, that means I can make some more armor. But I can’t make the… the chest one. “Resistance to poison?” That was fun! I am– MESSIN’ people up in this game. Like, SEVERELY just taking them to brown town. I’m sorta gettin’ a hang of the combat as well. And I also– I keep forgetting a lot of the attacks that I have, ‘Cause some of them don’t feel that useful. Like the one where I can throw my axe, and it keeps spinning on them and then pulling it back. This one. It does good and all, but I always feel like by the time I have a chance of sending one of those out, I’m already under attack again, so I need to retreat. “Talisman of Betrayal: Activated while aiming to slow down time!” *disbelief* “Ranged attacks are more powerful during this time.” It replaces my healey-doo though… Good for you. Ehm… Still can’t upgrade this shit… Nope. Axe Pommel? No. Talisman… Talisman of Betrayal– Does it slow down time more after that? I don’t know… All I know is that I want to… Gauntlets of the Ancients. I can only get one of these though, so six and ten. Orrrr ten and ten– Ohhh, but that’s on; Okay, that brings my strength down more though. Hell yeah– I look like I’m made out of rocks! Shut up. *laughs* Okay– boom, baby! That’s how you do it. I’m going to leave this episode here– This was a long one– But I wanted to get the side missions out of the way first so that next time, now we can just go straight back into the story or maybe do that ghost’s side mission. I have no idea. But this game is- BEYOND fun, I’m having such a great time with this– like, the hours are just melting away. I’m recording for, like, two and a half hours; It doesn’t even feel like that. It feels like so little time has passed– and I love that. That’s the sign of a gooood game right there. Normally, a God of War game would be over by now, But this one just keeps on going and going and going. And I really like the changes they’ve made– It feels so natural, too– it doesn’t even feel like they changed too much that it’s completely different even though it is. It’s hard to put into words, but anyway– THANK you guys so much watching this episode, if you LIKED it, PUNCH that like button IN THE FACE! LIKE A BOSS! AND! High fives all around! *WAPISH! WAPISH!* Thank all you guys and I will see all you dudes– –IN THE NEXT VIDEO!! *glorious ending music!* (Make sure to like, subscribe, and check out Jack’s other videos for more awesome content!) (But before you leave! For one of the awkward cheese balls that worked on the captions for this video– Zero LOVE is their username for now– it’s actually their first time trying to contribute! :D) (If you personally like creating captions for videos, and do feel so inclined, please– share your knowledge! All noobs deserve a little guidance, yeah?) B O Y! Oh, there you are. 😀

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