Mark: Go through this ONE Video without saying the word Penis… Mark: …Starting now. Tyler: Penis. Mark: Hello everybody! My Name is Markiplier, and welcome to the Seven Second Challenge. Now this is a Challenge that we have not done in a long Time. Mark: But the App MAYBE got updated? I don’t know. Mark & Ethan: What’s new November 25, 2015?! Mark: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOU DAN AND PHIL
Ethan: *Slight giggle* Mark: Alright fine! You know what? We’re gonna do it anyway! Because we haven’t done it, in like a YEEAARRRR. Mark: Whoever gets eliminated, they’re out. Mark: Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT! Ethan: Ba! Ba! Mark: WELP. Mark: Rock, Paper, Scissors, SHOOT! *wins* Yesssss!! Tyler: Dammit. Mark: HA HA HA HA! Ethan: So I’m first? Mark: Yeah. Tyler: That means You need to switch Me. Mark: Get up there! Alright, name three Things you’d happily blow up with Dynamite. Ethan: Okay, a House, a Car, a Building! Mark: A House and a Building are the same Thing. Ethan: Urhh… Fuck – A DOG! Tyler: OHHH! He made it! *Mark laughing* Ethan: NO! Tyler: He made it! Ethan: WHY WOULD I NOT-?! Tyler: He made it! Ethan: I wouldn’t happily do THAT! Mark and Tyler: WOAH!
Ethan: That’s just the first Thing that came to my Mind!
Tyler: OH MY! Tyler: I think He failed, because He wouldn’t happily do it. Mark: Yeahhh that’s pretty bad. Mark: Also like a House and a Car? Ethan: *giggles* Mark: WHY? Ethan: I don’t know, I was just thinking of Things to blow up- Mark: Are there Dogs inside these Houses and Cars? Tyler: I would have said like – – Hitler. Tyler: …Osama Bin Laden. Ethan: He said Things. Mark: Yeah, Things. Tyler: They’re Things… Human Beings are Things. Tyler: Invent a Seven Second Challenge, then do it. Mark: UH. Touching – touching my Nose seven times! Mark: (Every Time He touches His Nose): Uh Mark: Whipping my Dick out! Ethan: *laughs* Mark: In seven Seconds! Ethan: *giggling* You failed.. The Challenge. Mark: FUCK. Ethan: *still laughing* Ethan: Pitch a Business Idea that will definitely make you a Millionaire! Go! Tyler: *clap* Uh, so I created this Social Network Platform, It’s called Fandom, where you are able to actually link, and look at all the information, from- Ethan: BAAAAH! Ethan: I don’t think you’d make Millions off that… Mark: *executive voice* We’re pulling- we’re pulling your Funding… Mark and Ethan: MMMM. Ethan: *snobbish* It’s a No from Me. Tyler: I nailed that! Mark: Failed it. Ethan: OHHH you failed it. Mark: Failed it. Ethan: Ya fucked it. Mark: Name five things you would NOT find in your Mom’s Bedside Drawer. Ethan: A Dildo! A Picture of my Dad! A Picture of my dead Dog! A…… Computer! And an iPad! Mark: Too late. Tyler: Too late. Ethan: FUCK. Mark: NOT find! Tyler: You wouldn’t find your Picture or a Dildo in there? Mark: You wouldn’t find you Mom’s Dildo in there?? Ethan: *giggles* No, I hope not! Mark: *mockingly* You wouldn’t find it?… Ethan: OH! M-MY MOM STARTED WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS!
Tyler: *laughs* Ethan: SO THIS IS TERRIBLE! Ethan: AAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Tyler: He made some-what of a Dick Joke! Ethan: He already broke it….
Mark: W-What?… Mark: What – when did I break it?! Ethan and Tyler: You said-
Ethan: Whip my Dick out!-
Tyler: OHHHH! Mark: I did, I 100%, I did!
Tyler: You 100% broke it! Mark: Alright, okay, I-I’m owed some Dodge Balls! Tyler: Meow like a Screamo Cat. Mark: MEOW! ME- ME -ME -MEOW MEOW! MEOW ME-ME- ME – MEOW ME – ME- MEOW MEOW! MEOWWWW! ME- ME- ME-ME- MOW! Tyler: He nailed it.
Mark: Thanks Man.
Tyler: I’m sorry. He’s gettin’ easy Ones! Tyler: Those are really good. Mark: Thanks man! Ethan: Name 5 Things that shouldn’t go on a Tris – Christmas Tree! Go! Tyler: A Person!
Tyler: A Dog! A Car! A Guitar! And a Mexican! Mark: Hitler! Osama Bin-Laden!
All: *start laughing* Ethan: I guess..You nailed it?… Mark: Yeah! I-I-I mean, I guess? Mark: Sing about what You had for BREAKFAST like a Choir Boy. Ethan: *sings* I had some Instant breakfast, I put It in some Milk… Tyler: That’s actually true… Mark: *mumbling* I- alright- ok… Tyler: WHAT THAT YOU JUST- *random gibberish* All: *start laughing* Mark: The Fuck?? Mark: Are you okay?? Ethan: Are you upset that I won?! Or upset that I lost?! Tyler: He hit the wrong Thing! Tyler: Combine 2 Celebrities, and give it a new Name. Mark: Uh, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears! Mark: Jessica Spears? This is boring. *laughter* Mark: Hitler and Osama Bin-Laden! Hitler Bin-Laden! Ethan and Tyler: *laughing* Mark: THEY’RE CELEBRITIES!! Ethan: I guess…they are?… Mark: *giggling* Everyone knows them…. Mark: UHUUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHH…! Mark: Can you go back to My original One? Tyler: *starts laughing* Ethan: Say five Things you would find under the Sea! Go! Tyler: Under what? Ethan: The Sea! Tyler: The SEED or the SEA? Ethan: THE SEA! Ethan: THE! SEA! Tyler: OH! YOU DIDN’T EVEN ANNOUNCE IT! You said SEED!
Ethan: You failed it! Tyler: I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HE SAID!
Ethan: You could understand what I said? Mark: I understood what he said…
Tyler: I didn’t understand what he said! Mark: BAAAHH! Ethan: Well, Ya’ failed it! Mark: Alright, no, give Him Another! Ethan: *annoyed sigh* Ethan: Explain what swimming is, without saying the Word Water. Tyler: It’s where you do This: (Tyler trying to doggy paddle) Tyler: And move forward. Ethan: Mmmm… Tyler: In a pool. Ethan: Uh- Mark: A pool of wh- Tyler: I GOT IT! Tyler: I HEARD IT GO OFF AFTER I SAID POOL! Mark: I still wouldn’t know what you were talking about! Ethan: Yeah… Mark: It’s where you go like this?.. And move forward?… In a pool. So you’re just: (Mark repeats Tyler) Doin’ a lot of this!
Ethan: *starts laughing* Mark: In a RANDOM LOCATION! Tyler: I swam in college, shut up!
Ethan: I’M SWIMMING! Ethan: I’M DROWNING! Mark: *starts laughing* Tyler *not having this shit* Mark: Name three things that would ruin a first date. Ethan: *giggle* UH, shitting my pants! Saying “I love you,” killing her. *stifled, kinda laugh exhale* Mark: Did this happen? *laughs* Mark: Did you shit your pants, say you love her, and then killed her out of embarrassment?! Tyler: Do twenty one-handed claps. *Mark claps with one hand* Mark: 19, 20! Ethan: You did a lot of this! (Ethan repeats Mark) *they all laugh* Ethan: Pitch a new kids TV show involving cheese, goats, and Google, go! Tyler: Put Mark in a pen with cheese, goats – goats and searching on Google, on how to feed them. *disappointment* Mark: Is that the show? That’s a boring show, man. Ethan: Yeah, that’s not a very GOOD show… *stone-faced look of imminent death* Mark: He’s gonna kill us… Mark: Demonstrate a new yoga move, and give it a name. *flops over* Tyler: That’s an actual yoga move. Ethan: No it’s not! It’s called the – it’s a moo-move. *game’s timer rings* Tyler: *laughs* Mark: Now watch this genius! Ethan: Uh huh! [Mark mentally prepares himself for the upcoming difficult challenge] Tyler: Rap your favorite Britney Spears song. Mark: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Ethan: *claps* Tyler and Mark: *start laughing* Mark: It threw me off cause, “rap my favorite Britney Spears song” – why wouldn’t I just sing it? Ethan: Do a runway walk with a sassy spin, and say work! Go! (My god, the beauty) (such grace) Tyler: *monotoned* Work. Mark: Suggest three alternative uses for bras. Ethan: Ok, uh, you can use them as a shovel! You can use them as two cereal bowls! [giggling] And you can use them as the ice things! Mark and Ethan: *laughing* Tyler: Ice things?! Ethan: Yeah! – Tyler: What are ice things?? Mark: Ice trays! Ethan: Ice trays! Tyler: Ohh! All: *laugh* Mark: *giggling* TWO cereal bowls! Tyler: Crawl between my legs, go! Mark: WH-WHERE CAN I GO!? Mark: THERE’S NOTHING HERE! I’M BLOCKED BY HIS GIRTHY COCK! Tyler: *laughs* Mark: *quitely* Did I do it?… Ethan: Mmm. Ethan: Name three toothpaste flavors you wouldn’t ever want to exist, go! Tyler: For Ethan, peanut butter. Ethan: No, it’s for you… Tyler: Oh.. Tyler: Poop, snail slime and pee-p-puke… Mark: Pee puke? All: *giggle* Mark: *jokingly pushy* what were you gonna say?… Mark: *giggling* You just rolled your toothpaste up, and just a dick starts coming out the end of it! All: *laugh* Mark: Like: “I shouldn’t have bought this!” *laughter* Mark: Name three things in your room that begin with the letter “T.” Ethan: UH. [desperately trying to think of things beginning with T] Ethan: UH! Mark: Nope. Done. All: *laugh* Ethan: I could not think of ANYTHING! Mark: *laughs* Ethan: Like what even-
Tyler: T-SHIRT! Ethan: Oh yeah. T-shirt… Mark: Table! Ethan: Table… Mark: Tarantula… Tyler: Tyler! Ethan: You’re not in my room…. *laughter* Ethan: ARE YOU IN MY ROOM?! WHILE I SLEEP!? Ethan: Introduce everyone to your invisible unicorn, and take it for a ride! Go! Tyler: Hey Ethan! This is my unicorn, Uni! Hey! Mark! this is my Unicorn, Uni! *Mark giggles* *Runs over to Cathryn* Tyler: HEY CATHRYN! This is my unicorn, Uni! Tyler: WWOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO! Ethan: You didn’t take it for a ride in time… Tyler: I was riding it the whole time- Ethan: It’s dead in the stable now…. *all overlapping each other* Mark: Why is it dead? :(… Ethan: Good job! Tyler: B-but I – Mark: Name and do impressions of THREE, TV characters, go. Ethan: *High pitch* “AHHH” Spongebob, *Deeply* “Aww, I hate the world, I’m Squidward.” *quickly* Deedee! Mark: What was that?! Tyler: WHAT THE HELL WAS THE LAST ONE?! Ethan: The last one – Dexter, from Dexter’s lab, he goes Ethan: “Dee Dee!” Mark: Didn’t name it.. Ethan: I DIDN- WAS THAT A REQUIREMENT?! Mark: Yup. Tyler: Yes. Ethan: FUCK. Tyler: Act like a ballerina who’s broken her ankles. Mark: AHH! Mark: OH GOD! Mark: *whines* Mark: *sobs* Mark: Stage Manager! Don’t make me do this! *giggles* I need to pay rent! All: *laugh* Ethan: Use three words to describe what you were like in 2010. Go. Tyler: Tall, dark, and handsome. Mark and Ethan: You’re not dark… Tyler: I was, I was tan in 2010. I worked as a lifeguard… Mark: I got it, okay, I’ll give it to him… Mark: Say something creepy related to cereal. Ethan: *quitely* This cereal’s gonna go right in my fucking asshole… Mark: That’s not really creepy… Tyler: That’s not creepy… Mark: I’m not- I’m not creeped out… Tyler: The way you said it was *kind of* creepy, but what you said wasn’t creepy. Ethan: You wouldn’t be creeped out if you walked into a room, and you saw a dude staring at cereal and said: “I’m gonna put you right in my asshole.” Tyler: I wouldn’t be creeped out, I would be concerned. Mark and Ethan: *laugh* Mark: Sir! That’s the wrong end! Mark: Are you okay? Tyler: Invent a pizza with three disgusting toppings, and give it a name. Mark: A pizza with blood, semen and shh-poop. It’s – it’s “Bloodsemapoop.” *laughs* Pizza! (WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS) Ethan: Grade A comedy! Tyler: I should have added a element in there that you had to show yourself making the pizza! *starts laughing* *grunting noises with suggestive motions* All: *laughing* Mark: “Why am I still in business?” Ethan: It’s just: *grunts, makes a slicing sound* All: *laugh* Mark: Make up a chorus for a country in (the form of a) western song. Go! Ethan: *sings in southern accent* I kicked my dog, and ate my kid! I kissed my sister last night! *strums/mimics guitar chords* Tyler: That doesn’t sound like a chorus, that sounds like lyrics… Ethan: That was a chorus! Mark: I- I can sing along to that! Mark: That was toe-tapping music! *giggles*
Ethan: *laughs* Mark: *mimicking Ethan’s Southern accent* I killed my dog, and kissed my sister!
Ethan: That’s totally – Ethan: That’s totally a chorus! Tyler: That’s not a chorus! Ethan: It’s like: *singing, southern accent* And then last night, I told ya… Ethan: *mimicking drums* DO, DO, DO, DO! *comes in with the killer chorus* I KILLED MY DOG! *laughter from all of them* Tyler: Dance like you’re made of jelly. Mark: I’m made of jelly. Tyler: *starts laughing* Mark: Look at me! Ethan: Uh…You’ve been bitten by a wolf and it’s a full moon. Transform into a werewolf. Go! Tyler: *howls like a wolf* Tyler: Werewolf. *laughs* Ethan: Very stereotypical werewolf… Ethan: Also, at the end you went: Ethan: “Werewolf.” All: *laugh* Mark: Do an impression of three animal mating calls, and name the animals. Ethan: *VERY loud moan* It’s a cow. *laughs* All: *laugh* Tyler: Say “I’m so pretty” in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice. Mark: *Arnold Schwarzenegger voice* I’m so PRETTY! I’m so PRETTY! Look at how pretty I am! Ethan: *quietly* That’s pretty good… Mark: *points to Tyler* YEAH, FUCK – *points to Ethan* YOU! Tyler: Yeah, I knew you could do it! Mark: I was like- Ethan: *imitates Mark* FUCK! YOU! Mark: *Arnold Schwarzenegger Voice* FUCK YOU! FUUCCKK YOOUU! Mark: *Arnold Schwarzenegger grunt* Tyler: *grunts too* Mark: *also grunts* It’s a cow! *laughs* Ethan: Pretend you’re Mario, and you just saw Luigi get killed by Bowser, go! Tyler: *Mario voice* It’s-a me, a-Mario! Oh, Luigi!… *walks off* Ethan: It’s your brother that just DIED in front of you!
Mark: Then you just WALK OFF!? Ethan: You just walk off!
Mark: You just walk away from your DEAD BROTHER?! Tyler: He-hey, he re-spawns! Ethan: It doesn’t say in this! He just got BRUTALLY KILLED by Bowser! Mark: That’s a horrible life if he was like, eviscerated, and cut open, and is like: “AHHHH!” But then like: *Mario voice* “Ah, it’s-a okay, he’ll-a come-a back!” Ethan: But what if he doesn’t come back? Mark: What if he doesn’t come back – Mark: What if he’s *Mario voice* Out-a lives! Mark: We’ve gotta end on a good note! We should make our own. Mark: This is bullshit! Mark: We know what funny is! Ethan: Yeah, we do! Mark: We know what hilariousness can be! Ethan: Yeah! Tyler: Make up your own tongue twister, and say it ten times. Mark: Sally sacked a satchel and sucked a sonnn-of-a-bitch, who ssssaid that sex was sweet! Ethan: Nine more times! Tyler and Mark: *laugh* Ethan: Reenact a typical day of Markiplier. Mark: *murmuring* Don’t you dare… Tyler and Mark: *laugh* Tyler: *sighs* Gotta get- Tyler: I don’t need pants.. Tyler: Gonna record some videos… Mark: *sarcastic yet also impressed* Yeah… Mark: Reenact a typical day of Tyler. Ethan: *laughs* Ethan: I’m better than everyone here! I can lift this couch! Ethan: I’ve got the strongest muscles! They called me Hulk, Zeus and He-Man in high school! Ethan: I’ve only got half a face that’s a baby! Half a face that’s a man! Ethan: Smile always! All: *burst out laughing* Ethan: Do the average day of CrankGamePlays! Mark: Who’s that?… ( ROASTED ) *sadness* Mark and Tyler: *laugh* Ethan: Do your worst! I’m ready! I have acne and my channel’s dying! Fucking go! [getting louder] I’ll never be as successful as you! GO! I’M JUST COPYING YOU AND JACK IN EVERY FUCKING WAY! GO! Mark: *grumbles* That took the bite out of all my impressions now…. Mark: Alright, ok…. Mark: I’m gonna get – I – I’ll get it… Mark: So much nothing! I’ve got so – I’m so stal-! Tyler: Come here… Mark: NO! Mark: I’ve got this! Mark: AHHHM! Acne! I’m a copier! Let’s move to LA and crush my dreams! Mark: YAAAY! I’m a slave! OOOHHHH EDITING! Ethan: *laughs* Mark: I can do so- I can’t end on mean-ness, I can’t end on mean! Mark: AHHHM! My acne’s gone! A million subscribers?! Yes, a diamond play button! Mark: HA! Mark: There’s gotta be one drop of comedy somewhere… Mark: There’s gotta be some funniness here! Ethan: Carry us to the end! Mark: Please, Frobo! Ethan: Frobo! Mark: Bilbo… Ethan: Sam… Mark and Ethan: *burst out laughing* Mark: *giggling* Just naming the names! Mark: *Cry laughing* Mark: FUCK IT. Mark: That’s the end of the video! Mark: Thank you everybody so much for watching. Mark: Uh, uh, thank, Ethan’s in the description. Mark: Tyler’s Twitter is also in the description… Mark: Hopes – Thank y- let me know what you thought of it, down in the comments below. Mark: Thanks again everybody for watching… Mark: We’re never gonna do this again! Mark: And as always, Mark: I’ll see you, Mark: in the next video. Mark: Buh bye! Mark: I’M ETHAN. WELCOME TO CRRAAAAANKGAMEPLAYS, CRANKY CREWWWW! Mark: *starts laughing* Ethan: THAT’S NOT EVEN MY INTRO! YOU’VE NEVER EVEN WATCHED A VIDEO OF MINE! Mark: Wazzup my CRANKY Cre-! Ethan: NOOOOOOO!!!!! Mark: I’m Tyler and I huff glue, *exhales loudly.* Mark: I have an inflation fetish, I’M Tyler! Ethan: *repeats Mark* I’M Tyler! Mark: *starts laughing* Mark: I’M Tyler, I’ve got severe hemorrhoids! *starts laughing* I’M Tyler! Ethan: I’M Tyler! I have moderate to severe plaque psoriasis! Mark: *laughs* Ethan: I’M Tyler! I once fisted an entire family of goats! I’M Tyler! Mark: I’M Tyler! *giggling* I’ve got no legs! I’M Tyler!
[1 like=1 leg for Tyler] Mark: *Cry laughing* I’M Tyler!…